These Authors Know Their Stuff When It Comes To Marriage

Prayer, Marriage, and the Leadership Roles

of the Husband and Wife

Authors: Bishop Ken Giles and Pastor Sheila Giles

Publisher:Self-published, 2016

In many respects this is a book that has a lot of the same advice and guidance that many other books on the topic of Christian marriage have. And yet, it presents that advice from a perspective that nicely surprised (and pleased) an experienced counsellor, marriage mediator, and marriage mentor coach like me.  Let me explain.

The aims of authors Ken and Sheila Giles are two-fold and clear: First, that prayer becomes the highest priority in the lives of those who read it.  Second, that readers understand how the proper working of the husband and wife in their respective leadership roles secures the blessings of God in the marriage, family and broader society.

The book has some zingers in it and one of my favorites is “If more believers prayed about whether or not to get into marriage, there would be far fewer looking to get out of marriage.” Another one is, “Blanket apologies (those lacking in details) often serve the purpose of covering up sin as well.”There’s no pulling the wool over their eyes. 

Marriages, they say, that are conceived in prayer have a greater likelihood of remaining so. Through the many short chapters, the authors explain how the “lack of prayer” impacts a multitude of outcomes.  These include: covering up or hiding sin in the marriage; blame in the marriage; negative actions with negative consequences; listening to the wrong voice; lost peace; and averting blessings and advancing curses.

In part two of their book, Ken and Sheila spell out the God-given roles of a righteous man and righteous woman, and the importance of positioning ourselves well in that role while we exist in a fallen society. They have a very unique way of getting their points across. One example is their contention that the worldly wisdom that “all men are dogs” is false. Why? Because we need to “remember that a male dog needs a female dog to make pups.”

Where we may part company (to a certain extent only) with the authors is their interpretation of I Corinthians 3:13 and the meaning of ‘the fire’ in that verse.  They see the fire that reveals a man’s true work is ‘the woman’.  It’s a fascinating concept and well worth the read. I checked four prominent Bible commentators, and none even came close to agreeing with them. In context, and with some literary license, I can identify to a certain extent with what they are trying to say – clearly figuratively.  You’ll need to read their arguments and find out for yourself. In any case, their conclusions about our separate roles are bang on.

There is an interesting section where they compare the role of a godly woman to the superhero character in the cartoon, “The Incredibles”.

There are numerous spiritual gems throughout the material. Here is a quote from one I really liked: “The man who is not in pursuit of God’s will for his life will perceive, view, and treat the woman of God negatively and devalue her true qualifications. In some cases, her true value will go ignored and uncultivated.”

There’s also a great chapter on what Satan, through society and entertainment, is doing today.  It’s got some incredible statistics in it as well as some actions for believers.

Here is another quote, tying things all together for us: “The man of God must stay in the word of God, stay on his knees and seek God’s guidance and direction at all times. The man of God must love and honor the woman of God, minister to her, care for and nurture her.”

Their closing point in the main part of the book is most refreshing, as they write: “In case you missed the exchange above [on the topic of God’s covenant with Abraham],Abraham’s destiny was tied to Sarah’s destiny [she needed to have the heir through which the blessing would come]. The same is true with every married man who has a God-given vison for his home.”  Women: we (men) need you.

Part three provides the reader with a copy of the 25-question “Christian Marriage and Family Structure Assessment Inventory” complete with the questions, the scoring guide, scoring outcomes and the associated Scripture references for each of the questions. A most helpful resource for singles who want to check their “values” compatibility prior to getting married, for married couples who want to improve their marriages by encouraging dialogue on these issues, and for ministry leaders in the area of marriage counselling and mentoring.

This little book (only 72 pages) is a gem.

n Ken B. Godevenos, President, Accord Resolutions Services Inc., Toronto, Ontario, July 22, 2018, www.accordconsulting.com

It would be great if you would share your thoughts or questions on this blog in the comments section below or on social media.

The Female Slave -- Exodus 21:7-11

“And if a man sells his daughter as a female slave, she is not to go free as the male slaves do.  If she is displeasing in the eyes of her master who designated her for himself, then he shall let her be redeemed.  He does not have authority to sell her to a foreign people because of his unfairness to her.  And if he designates her for his son, he shall deal with her according to the custom of daughters.  If he takes to himself another woman, he may not reduce her food, her clothing or conjugal rights.  And if he will not do these three things for her, then she shall go out for nothing, without payment of money.”

The behavior suggested in the first phrase in this passage would result in criminal charges today.  Much has changed since the days of the Israelites in the wilderness. We can accept that slavery back then although abhorrent, was legal. What some of us may have more trouble accepting today is that God Himself was suggesting that the treatment of male slaves was to be different than the treatment of female slaves.  Whereas male slaves could go free after serving their masters for six years (see Exodus 21:2), female slaves did not have that benefit.  Why?

I think that rather than question God’s fairness in this situation we would be wise to read the entire passage.  In actual fact, a female slave was getting the better deal.  The whole purpose of God’s instructions for the female whose family was forced to sell her out of poverty, was ultimately that someone would be taking care of her.  The first thing we need to be aware of was that when a ‘maid-servant’ was bought, she was bought not really to be a slave, but rather to be the master’s wife or the wife of one of his sons some day, according to commentator David Guzik.  And if that was not to happen – the master did not marry her, or the sons did not want her -- she was to be redeemed preferably by their own family if they could afford to, but if not, her master could not sell her to a foreigner (or stranger).

Once a master gave the maidservant to his son, then from that point on she was to be treated as a daughter, not a slave. And as I read the next sentence, if the master or his son, once having accepted the maidservant as his wife, were to add more wives to his family (something else practiced in those days, but not condoned by God), then he had to ensure that the maidservant would still get the same allowances for food and clothing, and also have her conjugal rights (that is, the rights, especially to sexual relations, regarded as exercisable in law by each partner in a marriage).  Should these three things not be provided to her, she was free to leave and make her own way in society.  But through all of this, we can hopefully see that God was ensuring that the Hebrew women and daughters, whose own families could not afford to take care of them, would be protected.

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[Are you looking for a speaker at your church, your club, school, or organization? Ken is available to preach, teach, challenge, and/or motivate. Please contact us.]

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God’s Employment Standards Act: Part 2 -- Exodus 21:5-6

“‘But if the slave plainly says, “I love my master, my wife and my children; I will not go out as a free man,” then his master shall bring him to God, then he shall bring him to the door or the doorpost.  And his master shall pierce his ear with an awl; and he shall serve him permanently.’”
 

While God did not prescribe slavery, He still cares about those who are in slavery.  In the passage before this one, God stipulates that no one can be owned as a slave for longer than six years, at which point he becomes a free man, but has to leave his master only with what he came with.   That presented quite a dilemma for those slaves that married and/or perhaps had children while serving their masters as the new additions to the family (wife and/or children) had to be left behind.

I cannot help but think of the fact that leaving one’s master as a slave is akin to leaving this world the way Job described in the book about him (Job 1:21) where we read, “Naked I came from my mother's womb, And naked I shall return.”  That is the natural plight of man and woman.  We deserve nothing more.

But God once again provides a way out for the slave or the person who wants something more.  As part of his dignity, the slave has the option to save his family under certain conditions.  The first condition is that he loves his master as well as his wife and children.  The second condition is that he is prepared to give up his freedom permanently.

Once that is decided, and once the master agrees to keep him (and what master would not for had this been a bad slave, I am sure he would have been discarded of long ago), the master than takes “him to God”.  Most commentators take that to mean that somehow the arrangement that is about to be formalized be done so before the judges that had been appointed by Moses to rule the people (Exodus 18) or at the very least before witnesses, as representative of those holding us accountable before God (much like at a marriage ceremony today).

This arrangement was to be an everlasting commitment and thus there needed to be a sign that clearly denoted it as such.  In this case, the sign was a hole pierced through the ear of the slave.

The parallel aspects between this slave to physical bondage and us as slaves to sin are not too difficult to detect here.  Like the slave in this passage, we have a choice to make as to whether we want to go freely into the world and try to profit from it (much like the Prodigal Son parable we read about in the New Testament) or whether we want to remain in the household of our Master and in our case our Creator.  If we choose the latter, then we become His permanently and our confession of faith before others and God, along with how we live in service to Him, become the marks of commitment.

And Christ, the Son of God, is our ultimate role model in this.  He became as a servant who emptied Himself, gave up any personal status (became of no reputation), and humbled Himself to serve, not by law, but by willingness (Philippians 2:6-7).  Thus we can refer to Him as the ‘pierced ear servant’ who freely, by choice, submitted Himself to His Father’s will.

Yes, God provides a way out from our bondage to sin and in so doing we can be saved, provide for our loved ones, and serve our Master.   Are you there yet?

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[Are you looking for a speaker at your church, your club, school, or organization? Ken is available to preach, teach, challenge, and/or motivate. Please contact us.]

Thanks for dropping by. Sign up to receive free updates. We bring you relevant information from all sorts of sources. Subscribe for free to this blog or follow us by clicking on the appropriate link in the right side bar. And please share this blog with your friends. Ken Godevenos, Church and Management Consultant, Accord Consulting.  And while you’re here, why not check out some more of our recent blogs shown in the right hand column.  Ken.

________________________________________________________________________

 

It would be great if you would share your thoughts or questions on this blog in the comments section below or on social media.