Packed With Passionate Understanding of a Parent’s Pain

Strength For Parents Of Missing Children

Author: Marie White

Publisher: HAWAII Way Publishing, Visalia, CA, 2017

I must admit I was totally taken by surprise. It wasn’t just the book’s content as good as that was; it was also the dynamo author. She never ceased to amaze as I moved from one section of her book to another. 

Full disclosure – I have never experienced a missing child or grandchild. I do not pretend to have experienced the pain that those for whom this book is primarily written experience. I have lost a grandson soon after he was born. But my son and I both agree that these are two, quite different pains. – since, as believers, we can know where our loved one is rather than not knowing, as is often the case for parents of missing children.

Marie White is one such parent and the author. She is also a Christian. In the first part of her book, she speaks directly to parents of missing children. She explains how hard it is to even breathe at first. She walks us through the first week, the second week, and more of the experience, sharing the feelings, the unique pains, the agony. She describes the emotional, physical, and spiritual battlefields on which such parents conduct real warfare. With her use of scripture and personal knowledge, she inspires the reader. She talks to her audience about ‘taking every thought captive’; how to survive by what one does, thinks, and prays; how time doesn’t stop; how to deal with the feelings of guilt; the importance of not being alone; waiting for a miracle; dealing with fear; not giving up; and facing the family problems that inevitably arise.  This section is packed with love for her readers and great advice and guidance.

In part two of her book, White shares four stories of hope taken from real cases of parents who have had their children abducted. These parents never gave up. From there, she lets the experts take over as she shares five interviews key people in the field loaded with the best possible advice for those who experienced a missing child. I particularly liked the specific advice given by the private investigator as well as the advice shared by a parenting expert.  The latter surprised me with her advice to “stop telling your kids over and over that you love them, and you miss them.”  You’ll need to read the book to find out why,

Part three includes a number of great resources for those going through this pain.

But what comes out clearly from page one to the very end of the book, is Marie White’s passionate desire to help alienated parents not only survive – but rise to the point of becoming a stronger person with a purpose.

There are incredible quotations throughout the book that help drive her points home.  Her resources are endless, and she regularly sends us to her website to read full articles, see videos, and/or access another tool.

Even though these parents know they will never be the same again, Marie White dares ask them the question, “what if you’re not supposed to be?” and then quotes William Arthur Ward – “Adversity causes some men to break; others to break records.”  She shows us how that is possible.  And she invites us to learn the end of her own personal story in a unique way.

As the bestselling author, Kenneth G. Eade says about White’s contribution, this is “A book no one should need, but many will cherish.” Unfortunately, there are many who do need it and should read it.  And there are many others of us who should read it in order to understand those who need it and how best to be a support.  Highly recommended for all family counselors as the advice transfers to many other areas of life.

n Ken B. Godevenos, President, Accord Resolutions Services Inc., Toronto, Ontario, September 18, 2018, www.accordconsulting.com

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God's Strict Orders -- Exodus 23:13

“Now concerning everything which I have said to you, be on your guard; and do not mention the name of other gods, nor let them be heard from your mouth.”
 

I remember as a young lad being put on a Greyhound bus from Toronto to New York to visit my aunt and uncle during summer and Christmas breaks, as well as Easter breaks (for that is what they were called when I went to school; not March or Winter breaks). The reason for my visits was that my father and mother both worked and I would have no one to take care of me.  I remember all the instructions I was given about what I was to do on the bus ride and how to be on the alert for various things, plus what to do if by chance my uncle or aunt were late in coming to the New York city bus terminal to meet me. Those directives or teachings came from my loving parents who were reluctant to let me go, yet realized they had to for my own welfare. Overall, these were pleasant separations between a parent and a child. But the world is also full of unpleasant, unkind, and very often undesired separations between parent and child.

No matter the circumstances of separation, when there is time and opportunity to do so, a wiser older person will often say to the younger, weaker one, “Now remember everything I have told you. Watch out for those that may hurt you or trick you or rob from you. Be alert. And whatever you do, do not . . ..”

That’s exactly what is going on in this verse. You will remember way back in chapter 19 of Exodus, the story begins of Moses meeting God on that awesome mountain. It is during that time with God that all the commandments and directives of how the Israelites are to live were made known. And while there are some instructions with respect to various feasts and other matters still to come, for the most part this awesome meeting with the Living God Almighty is drawing to a close. So God says to His beloved children of Israel, “Remember everything I have told you. Be alert.” It was as if God was saying, “Sons, daughters – you are going to need to do these things if you are going to survive and do well in your life for the Enemy is great and active and just looking for a chance to ensnare you.” How true that is of life for us today.

But God also goes on to give a very significant warning that I believe many of us have either forgotten or we have chosen to ignore. God says, “ . . . do not mention the name of other gods. Do not even let them be heard from your mouth.” In context, God was likely referring to Baal and other similar idols or heathen gods that people worshipped at the time. He knew that uttering their names or talking about them in any capacity except to denounce them was dangerous, as they had the power to entice and lure people into their realms, inch-by-inch, thought-by-thought, and practice-by-practice.

We also know that for us today, “another god” is anything that takes us away from our reliance and dependence on God and God alone. Be it that new car, some form of music, sports, making money, that summer escape, a bigger home we desire, any vice, and anything else we can think of that makes us lose our focus on what is God’s desire and plan for my life right now. God says, “Stop talking about those things!” Doing so does not help and it can definitely hurt.

This verse is a gem that many of us miss. Or we try to avoid it all costs.  But we do so at our own peril. Be alert.  If we love our Heavenly Father the way we say we do, at least during the worship singing time at church, then we must listen to His very strict order to us –“Stop talking about other gods in our lives.”

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The Economic (Yes Dollar) Value of a Child To Society

I would never think of measuring the value of any of my children or grandchildren in dollar terms. However, some do and it's nice that their findings are positive. Take a look.

Myth Buster: Are children a net drain on society? � The United Families International Blog

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WARNING: THIS MAY MAKE YOU SICK. Tortured Afghan child bride.

AND some would have us pull out of Afghanistan and say, "everything's okay there". Give your heads a shake, friends. We should do all we can to stop this kind of behavior. If the West does not, who will?

Tortured Afghan child bride had been sent back to in-laws

[Are you looking for a speaker at your church, your club, school, or organization? Ken is available to preach, teach, challenge, and/or motivate. Please contact us.]

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Father and Son Meet - Genesis 46:29-30

And Joseph prepared his chariot and went up to Goshen to meet his father Israel; as soon as he appeared before him, he fell on his neck and wept on his neck a long time.  Then Israel said to Joseph, “Now let me die, since I have seen your face, that you are still alive.”

There is obviously a gap between Genesis 46:28 and vs. 29.  Judah had found Joseph, or at least had seen that word got to him, but nothing is recorded about such a meeting or discussion.  Now Joseph prepares to go and greet his new guests.  What strikes me with the opening phrase of this section is how easily it is for someone to find potential fault with Scriptures.  It is unlikely, but not inconceivable, for example, that Joseph actually “prepared his (own) chariot”.  It is more likely that he had it prepared for him, given who he had become in Egypt.  As always, we have to approach Scripture believing it is accurate and truthful and then searching for explanations which make its content possible.  If we seek it, God will reveal it.  The non-believer takes the opposite approach.  He assumes it is not true and seeks ways to prove it.  He too finds what he is looking for sufficient to satisfy himself.

There is a lovely picture here of Joseph, the son, going to meet Jacob, the father.  Altogether there are three ‘reunion’ scenarios in Scripture that often come mind when one is considering ‘reunions’.  One occurs in the New Testament and is part of what we have come to know as the story of the Prodigal Son.  Another one had already occurred prior to this point in Genesis and that is the reunion between Jacob and Esau in Genesis 33.  And the third one is this one between Jacob and Joseph.

The first reunion mentioned above, and clearly meant as a story to get across a point, certainly has interpretations that would instruct us on how God rejoices when we are reunited with Him, as well as provides us with some guidelines on the role of fatherhood or parenthood.  It is a picture of how the older and wiser are to treat the younger.  The second reunion, that of Jacob and Esau, is an example of how brothers (and by inference us) should treat each other.  It is a picture of how mankind should get along.  In this third reunion described here of Joseph and Jacob is an example of how the young should treat their elders, especially parents.  Through these three reunions the whole gamut of life’s basic relationships are addressed: old to young; peer to peer; and young to old.

It was Joseph who now appeared before the aged Jacob.  The grand patriarch had done his part.  He had raised his family for all these years to love and serve God.  He had taken one more step of faith, and at a very late stage in his life, to transition his whole world to Egypt, a new land.  Now it was his son’s turn to come to him and Joseph did just that.

And when he saw his father, Joseph fell on his neck and weeped a long time.  Can you imagine the emotion in that scene?  Can you imagine the memories that were going back and forth like crazy in the minds of both father and son?  Joseph last saw his father when he was a lad.  He had left the comfort of his father’s protection at home to go in obedience to him to see his brothers far off in their fields tending flocks and he never saw his father again.  In fact, he had been sold to slavery, moved to Egypt, and ended up spending years in jail.  Now he had risen to be the second in command of all Egypt and yet he had longed for his father.  Jacob on the other hand, had missed his son and had thought of him as dead for years, and now he once again saw him face-to-face.  It all called for a long embrace soaked with tears of joy and unbelief.

As I read about this encounter, I thought of what it would be like for me to again see my aged father whom I lost to cancer just over four and a half years ago, or my mother whom I lost to heart failure now twenty-nine years ago.  There would be embraces and weeping that last a long time.  But that, as in the case of Joseph and Jacob, is premised on a characteristic that God has bestowed on mankind as He made us “in His image” -- the characteristic of love.  Without love, there would only be disdain as we once again see those we do not care for or even hate.

Jacob then utters his famous words, “let me die now, since I have seen you, and know that you are alive.”  This is proof that since losing Joseph, Jacob yearned for this day.  That is the major thing for which he lived all the years in between.  I understand that.  I know my mother’s wish was to see me married and to see grandchildren.  She got her wish and died.  My father just wanted to see his youngest grandchild get married as his two older sisters had done.  That he lived for and talked about constantly.  He saw our son do just that, participated actively in his wedding, and then shortly afterwards, he passed away.  And now comes our turn (my turn and your turn) next.  What are you yearning to see in your lifetime that afterwards you can say, “let me die now”?   For me, I must admit, it is something similar to what my dad wished for -- to see, by the will of God, my grandchildren married.  But I am also ready to go much before that.  While the weddings of my grandchildren will be filled with joyful tears, the greatest joy comes in knowing that my Heavenly Father knows the perfect time to take me home.  I trust that is true of you.  If not, you can make that the case.       

Before leaving this section, I feel compelled to make the following observation.  I am amazed at how poorly many of today’s ‘children’ treat their parents, especially as they become old.  I have seen neglect of the worse kind -- simple ‘absence’ from their lives.  I do not understand it.  I find it hard to accept.  I believe those that exercise such absence from their parents will indeed reap what they sow many years later.  In the meantime, they are contributing to making this world a colder, lonelier place for a human being to exist in.  God did not intend it that way, and He is not amused.  That’s why He said, “Honor they mother and they father.”  It is never too late to follow such advice.

Yes, I know it takes two to tango.  There are many young and adult children out there that would love to have a relationship with their mother or father, but life has dealt them a different card through divorce or anger.   If you are the ‘missing parent’ in that kind of situation, I urge you to take it upon yourself, as Jacob did, and find your way to your son’s, or daughter’s, Egypt, and let them know “you’re coming”.

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Helping Your Children Think About Ethics

First we need to want to do this. Then we could use all the help we can get. But never under-estimate the power of an ethically-minded and ethically-acting parental role model.

Author Q&A: Wrestling with what's right | The Portland Press Herald / Maine Sunday Telegram

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Ken, what's your take on taking ones baby home to die?

Here are some thoughts on this topic in respond to a friend who asked me for my take. Please read it and share it and then give us your thoughts.

Ken, what's your take on taking ones baby home to die? (52)

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