Esau’s Reaction to Jacob’s Submission -- Genesis 33:4

Then Esau ran to meet him and embraced him, and fell on his neck and kissed him, and they wept.

I am studying this verse on the last day of 2009. It has been a most difficult year for the whole world. Wars, terrorism, drugs, pornography, bad government, the economy, the environment, disease, and so many other negatives have left their mark on most of the world’s population. In a way, we have been like Jacob who had been estranged from his brother Esau. Many of us feel very estranged from the world today. For Jacob and Esau, this verse tells us that there was indeed success or light at the end of the twenty year tunnel of darkness. For us, another year has come and gone, and the world is still not at peace. Many of us are not at peace with ourselves, with others, or with God.

Yet this verse gives me great hope as I see an uncommon parallel between Esau’s reaction to Jacob and what I believe is and will be the scene when any one of us seeks to be reconciled with our God. I say uncommon because in the eyes of some, seeing any parallels between God and Esau may be deemed heresy. Yet, Esau was indeed also created in God’s image. And these are indeed the thoughts that the Holy Spirit laid on my heart and mind in my study this morning.

First, Esau ran to meet Jacob. Although the latter had come quite close through his bowing seven times as he approached Esau, there was still enough distance between them for Esau to run to Jacob in return. Jacob’s prayer had been answered. In like manner, God is most anxious to have us reconciled with Him and He always is ready and willing to do His part. He answers our prayer that desires a relationship with Him.

Second, Esau embraced Jacob. The man who had his birthright and his firstborn blessing stolen through deceit embraced the man who did the stealing. God against whom we have sinned also embraces us with open arms when we seek to reconcile with Him.

Third, Esau fell on Jacob’s neck. Jacob was prostrate on the ground, perhaps in his last of seven bows to Esau, and yet to fully meet him all the way, and in an act of perhaps lifting him up, Esau falls on Jacob’s neck. This is not unlike a parent hovering over a young child who has come apologetically to them. For me, it is an image that reminds me of God gathering His children as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings. For Jacob, it was a sign that not only did Esau accept him back into full relationship, but also that he would protect him. And God does just that for us – He accepts us into a full relationship with Himself and takes on the responsibility of protecting us forever.

Fourth, Esau kisses Jacob. If we can for a moment set aside the romantic use of a kiss, we will agree that since the beginning of time, a kiss has come to represent true love. I think of the kisses between a mother and her child or those of a child for his parents or siblings. There is no greater physical and appropriate demonstration of love and affection that is non-romantic and non-erotic than the kiss between two people who care for each other. Later in scripture, the kiss is used over and over as a symbol of both true affection and in some cases, of false affection parading as true. Esau kisses his brother Jacob and in so doing seals the reconciliation that has just taken place. There is no direct parallel to this that I know of that I can relate to God’s feeling for us. The words in Psalms 85:9,10 may come the closest when, in reference to the salvation we have in God as we seek him, the Psalmist says “righteousness and peace have kissed each other”. It is God’s ‘righteousness’ and our desire to make peace that come together in a kiss. There is no mistaking that God treats us in the same manner as we would treat others whom we love immensely.

Fifth, the verse says they both wept. When it came to a kiss, one could well have asked, “how do we know that Esau wasn’t just pretending or faking it?” The answer is “because of what the verse says next”. When weeping occurs jointly, it is a good indicator of sincerity. We were made that way. Yes, it can be just emotions or some can still fake it, but for the majority, real tears are true signs of humility and sincerity. These were not tears of fear or of sadness (except perhaps with respect to the twenty years of separation they suffered). They were tears of joy and gladness. And that is exactly what I believe occurs when one sinner comes to God. The sinner, his/her brothers in God’s family, and the angels of heaven shed tears of rejoicing. Crying is an emotion that plays a big part of being in God’s family. We cry for joy and we can weep, as Jesus did, for those that are not yet in the family.

If you have ever experienced a reconciliation of family members, perhaps of someone who had been physically lost and was found, or perhaps someone who had been estranged for one reason or another and has been embraced into the family, you will know what all this feels like. If you personally have been embraced into the family of God, you will know what this feels like. But we also all know that what really matters is what happens after either of these types of reconciliations is what. What do you do once you’ve been reconciled with others or with God? We’ll look at what happened between Jacob and Esau next time.

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The Time of Reckoning Is Here -- Genesis 33:3

But he himself passed on ahead of them and bowed down to the ground seven times, until he came near to his brother.

Esau is clearly within eyesight. Jacob’s families have been lined up in an order that protects Rachel and her children the most, followed by Leah and her children, and then their two maids and their children. Jacob stands behind them. He can no longer avoid his brother Esau. The moment he has both dreaded and wanted is at hand. Will he wait there as Esau and his 400 men approach Jacob’s company, perhaps harming or even killing some to get to him, or will he trust his life to God and be the man, husband, and father he was called to be?

Jacob comes through with flying colors. Perhaps with his recently acquired courage and assurance of success following his night of fighting with God, He passes ahead of his family to the frontline with nothing between himself and Esau and his men.

Once he got there he commenced to bow down to the ground and then move ahead, bow down and move ahead. He did this seven times until he was very near to his brother Esau. So far in Scripture, we have only come across the idea of bowing down once before in Genesis 18:2 when Abraham was sitting at his tent’s door in the heat of the day and three men appeared to him. He bowed himself to the earth in their honor. The phrase “seven times” also appears for the first time in this text. The Hebrew word for bowing down is “shachah” and it means to literally bow down and prostrate oneself before a superior in homage, before God in worship, before false gods, or before an angel. Jacob was clearly indicating over and over the superiority of his brother Esau in this situation.

You may wish to investigate the Tel Amarna Tablets that were found in 1887. The depict life around 1400 B.C. through a series of letters written by some prominent people of the times. These tablets relate that when greeting a king, one must bow to the earth seven times in approaching him. Jacob was doing just that for Esau had become a ruler over the area of Mount Seir known as Edom. Each bow brought the body parallel to the ground. After each, the subject took a few steps closer to the superior and repeated the process. By the seventh cycle, the subject was pretty close to the superior. Although we are not told in the text we’re studying that they did, the custom was for the subject’s family to do likewise. This would all seem quite in order, especially when you consider that in the east, as the older brother, Esau would be entitled to such respect from his younger sibling, Jacob.

Can you picture, though, the two different scenes on the stage that this meeting was to play itself out on? There was Jacob, his women, and children coming from one side and Esau and his 400 men from the other. What a contrast that was. Yet we cannot forget that it was Jacob who indeed had the birthright and God had made a covenant that many would be blessed through him.

The gifts that Jacob had sent on ahead earlier in the story with his servants simply indicated that he wanted nothing materially from Esau. The bowing down now indicated he was also willing to be socially submissive to him.

While Jacob feared what Esau might do to him if he submitted, he also wanted to do what was right. Peace can be attained if one does their duty to God and to those with whom the peace has been broken. Perhaps, even to the point of behaving towards them as if it had never been broken. If we continue to remember and rehash what happened or continue to hold grudges we will never be able to restore the peace. Humility is the greatest tool one has in attempting such restoration. It turns away wrath and can physically help preserve the godly. God wants us to take precautions, do our best, including in showing humility where it is appropriate, and then leaving the rest to Him.

As I once again was listening to a discussion on television about the Middle East issues, I wondered whether or not the only way to restore peace between Israel and Palestine would be to do just that. Submission and humility and treating each other as if the peace had never been broken, no matter what the memories, what the losses, what the costs.

As we leave this verse we note that Jacob was still “near to his brother” but not quite there yet. Was there something left for Esau to do? We’ll find out in the study of what follows.

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Laban and Jacob Part -- Genesis 31:54-55

Then Jacob offered a sacrifice on the mountain, and called his kinsmen to the meal; and they ate the meal and spent the night on the mountain. And early in the morning Laban arose, and kissed his sons and his daughters and blessed them. Then Laban departed and returned to his place.

After swearing to the covenant with Laban, Jacob offers a sacrifice on the mountain they were on. This sacrifice likely involved peace offerings. What is interesting here is the idea that making peace with one’s friends or relatives can only really be maintained if we are at peace with God. It is God that does indeed make the reconciliation work between man and man. And with the sacrifice of course comes a celebratory love-meal, a practice that ratified the covenant and one that had been going on for some time in the region.

Earlier in this chapter (vs. 25) we learn that Jacob and his kinsmen had camped in the hill country and that is where Laban had caught up with them. Later in verse 37 we read that both Jacob’s and Laban’s kinsmen were with them as they rehashed what had happened between them in the twenty years that had just passed. In verse 46 after Jacob agrees to the covenant, he asks his kinsmen to erect the memorial for it. They were either there all the time, or they were called back to do this. We were not able to discern which it was. And verse 54 does not help us either. While it states that Jacob “called his kinsmen to the meal”, that does not imply they were not present when they were called. In fact, I would suggest that either his servants and/or possibly some of his kinsmen who had helped build the memorial, were also instrumental in the preparation for both the sacrifice that Jacob made and the meal he was about to host.
‘His’ kinsmen is not just a reference to those on his own side of the family, but included all of Laban’s family and kinsmen. In fact, the celebration went on into the night and they all ended up spending the night together on the mountain. Making peace with one’s adversary was indeed a great cause for real joy and extensive ceremony.

Finally, in the morning, and here comes the most practical, non-ceremonious demonstration of what had occurred, they part friends. It is fair to assume that Laban and his kinsmen also stayed on the mountain that night with Jacob and his relatives and household. In the early morning, Laban gets up and kisses his grandsons and granddaughters, blesses each one, and says good-bye. No matter how tough a person you are, good-byes to your grandchildren with little chance of seeing them again or not for a long time is very difficult. I go through that every time I visit my grandsons in South Carolina, knowing it will usually be three months before I see them again. Laban’s experience, I am sure had an emotional impact on him. The bible is not really clear as to whether or not the word ‘daughters’ in this particular instance included Leah and Rachel. I believe that in light of the covenant just witnessed and its celebration, Laban was also loving, at least in demonstrative actions, towards his two daughters when he said good-bye. Hopefully, they were gracious enough to return his show of affection, although the text is silent on that. All it says is that Laban left and returned to his place. In peace.

I know from personal experience that sometimes when one is at odds with another, and a peace accord has been reached, the best thing that can follow is distance and space between them. Establishing that distance or space, having left in peace, leaves it wide open for a coming closer together sometime in the future as the Lord may bring about. So be it. Laban and Jacob parted in peace.

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Laban’s Terms for the Covenant With Jacob -- Genesis 31:48-53

Laban said, "This heap is a witness between you and me this day." Therefore it was named Galeed, and Mizpah, for he said, "May the LORD watch between you and me when we are absent one from the other. If you mistreat my daughters, or if you take wives besides my daughters, although no man is with us, see, God is witness between you and me." Laban said to Jacob, "Behold this heap and behold the pillar which I have set between you and me. This heap is a witness, and the pillar is a witness, that I will not pass by this heap to you for harm, and you will not pass by this heap and this pillar to me, for harm. The God of Abraham and the God of Nahor, the God of their father, judge between us." So Jacob swore by the fear of his father Isaac.

In the case of Jacob and Laban’s agreement, we can note several things. First, notice that Jacob allowed Laban to establish its terms and conditions. Laban was clearly driving this arrangement, perhaps in an attempt to save face and to cut his losses.

Second, while there were relatives around, the actual heap was to serve as a reminder to Laban and Jacob themselves. No matter who witnesses a promise (as guests do at a wedding), the promise must be kept by and between those that have actually made it. The responsibility of keeping a promise lies with the promise-makers. Other witnesses may encourage us to keep our promise, but it is us that have to keep it.

Third, Laban referred to the heap of stones as not only Galeed (the Hebrew name Jacob had given it) but also as ‘Mizpah’ which is translated a beacon, or a watchtower. Laban wanted Jacob’s Lord to watch over the two of them, especially when they were absent one from the other. More particularly, he wanted God to make sure that Jacob didn’t do anything to hurt Laban’s daughters as indicated by the next condition.

Fourth, Jacob had to be a good husband to his two wives, and not mistreat Laban’s daughters in any way. That is something every father should expect of his son-in-law. It’s interesting how sometimes the things we do ourselves, we expect others not to. (Laban had misused his daughters for his own gain, yet he demands that Jacob treat them well.) Given the culture of the time, Laban goes one step further.

Fifth, Laban insists that Jacob not marry other wives besides the two he has. And although Jacob may never have intended to do so, or to be a mean husband, he accepts these terms and conditions. For one who would have been a good husband on his own account, the requests of Laban are not so demanding. But they sure made Laban both feel and appear good in demanding them. Wise Jacob lets him have his moment of glory. There is a lesson here for us. When we get into these circumstances, we must always allow others to save face. There is no need for us to beat them into submission or to always win on every point.

And then Laban once again invokes Jacob’s God as a witness to their agreement on these terms. At this point in the text, the phrase “although no man is with us, see God is witness” appears and seems somewhat perplexing given that we believed all the kinsmen on both sides were present. (Unless of course, the kinsmen were sent away following their work in verse 46.) So, the phrase then must reflect the future tense, that is, “even though no man may be with us, God will be our witness”. And indeed, some commentators do take that position on this phrase. I am not convinced that the text reads exactly like that however if we take the New American Standard at face value. It is very possible that all the kinsmen and servants were indeed sent away at this point. And that God was indeed their only witness at this point in the making of the agreement. When all others are absent, God is always present both to witness and to protect.

Sixth, Laban insists that Jacob never be a bad neighbor to Laban. Neither of them are to act with hostility towards each other. More specifically, the heap of rocks would act as a border between them that either could not be crossed over period (as some maintain) or that could not be crossed over with the intent of harming the other person (what I believe to be more likely). As I studied this portion of scripture today, I also had to write an email to someone at our church. He and I had exchanged words some time ago and I had tried several times to get us together to clear the air. He kept promising he would do so, but never did. So, today I wrote to him again reaching out one last time. In so doing, I had to read and revise my email several times making sure that I was not in any way conveying a message of wanting to harm him. Instead, I sincerely wanted the matter between us cleared up. As Christians we may sometimes end up agreeing to disagree with one within the Body, but in no way are we at liberty to go on hurting one another.

Clearly God was their main witness. Laban wanted God to be aware of every thing that either he or Jacob did to violate the covenant they were making. God was to act as a judge between them for Laban saw Him as not only the God of Jacob’s ancestor Abraham, and the God of Laban’s ancestor Nahor, He was also the God of Abraham and Nahor’s father, Terah, from whom both Jacob and Laban descended through Abraham and Nahor, respectively. Scripture clearly shows a relation between God and Abraham. However, there is no text that specifically points to Abraham’s brother Nahor’s faith in the same God. Neither do we find any references to Abraham and Nahor’s father, Terah, being a worshipper of God. In fact, much later in the Old Testament we will find out that both Nahor and Terah served “other gods”. Clearly, Laban was being a little too liberal with his attributions to their ancestors.

Yet Jacob was moved enough to agree to the covenant. Not so much by Laban’s references to who Nahor and Terah worshipped, but by the fear of his father Isaac. The word ‘fear’ as used here is in reference more to a “reverence” of someone, be it God or be it as in this case, the fear, respect, and awe that Jacob had of his father Isaac. It was by that fear that Jacob swore with respect to this agreement between himself and his uncle Laban.

There have been many times as a child and as a youth I agreed to do things out fear of my dad. It wasn’t always a terrorizing kind of fear, although sometimes it was. Other times it was out of respect for him, and in reverence to him as a father. I know my own children have done just that for me. I can safely say I did that right up to the day my father died in his tenth decade of life. As I got to know God better in my teen years and right up to today, I often do things or agree to things or sometimes not do things that I would prefer to do out of my fear of the Lord. Really knowing His love for me, however, makes it more out of my reverence and awe of Him as my God.

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Preparing for Reconciliation -- Genesis 31:45-47

Then Jacob took a stone and set it up as a pillar. And Jacob said to his kinsmen, “Gather stones.” So they took stones and made a heap, and they ate there by the heap. Now Laban called it Jegar-sahadutha, but Jacob called it Galeed.

Notice that when Laban had finished speaking, Jacob said nothing; at least nothing of significance for the author to have recorded it. Instead, the Bible says he selected a rock and somehow repositioned it upright in such a way that it looked like a pillar. When it comes to relationships, there is a time to talk and a time to say nothing. There is a time to take action and a time to sit still. In what Jacob had heard from Laban, he caught a semblance of an olive twig being extended to him and he decided to accept it. And he did so without insisting on an apology from, or that any form of penalty be imposed on, Laban.

That takes a very big man. Recently I was assisting a party resolve some issues another party had pursued legal assistance with. It was clear that the party I represented had erred on two significant counts. The actions of two individuals from my client group had, and in the case of one, continued to, make matters worse. This apparently was a pattern it seemed on the part of the two negative contributors to this situation. My common-sense human nature told me these two had to incur some personal consequence in addition to apologizing yet once again. I tried to convince myself that this would be for their own protection and personal development, as well as for the good of the party I was representing. Perhaps censure or release from their position in the client’s organization would be appropriate. And then I had to deal with this section of scripture. What was I supposed to learn from this? Could I be a big enough person to simply make my point to the individuals and to the group as to what was done in error, express the consequences to the organization of any such further recurrence, and indicate that we needed their genuine assurance that this would never occur again? Certainly that was what Jacob settled for. I had no choice but to do likewise and leave the matter to God. And the outcomes of such a decision on my part, I believe, will indeed have its rewards – including with those two individuals.

When quarrels occur and peace is being offered, we have a responsibility to accept it, and it is to our benefit. That does not mean we have to work directly with or become bosom buddies with the individual. In today’s legal world, parties who settle their disputes often sign a joint ‘release’ that includes a ‘non-disparagement’ clause. That is they agree that they will not speak negatively of each other, but it does not mean they will have to partner in business or friendship. They live and let live. That is the least we can do.

Jacob simply instructs his own relatives to gather the stones needed to make a heap for the makeshift monument that would serve as a memorial to this covenant Laban was proposing. Once that was completed, everyone sat down and had a meal together. In the culture of the day, as is the case still in many cultures, having a meal together is the ultimate indication of a sealed agreement between the parties. Think of if as having a drink after a deal is signed or having an engagement dinner after a couple promises to marry. Sometimes, even if we may not work or live or be close friends with someone again, we need to take the time to participate in things that go with the peacemaking that we enter in. We do that out of courtesy or respect and we do it to formally communicate to others that we indeed intend to keep our covenant.

It was also traditional for parties to name the place where a covenant was sealed. As you would think, two parties that had come to a major agreement could, if they were really of one mind, agree on a single name for the location. That was the case for Laban and Jacob. They both decided to call the site the ‘witness heap’ -- Laban using the Aramaic word ‘Jegar-sahadutha’ and Jacob the Hebrew word ‘Galeed’. Truly there were many witnesses around to testify to their pact, including the pile of stones themselves. Some of us have gone through similar experiences in life. Perhaps it would have been appropriate for us to have our own ‘witness pile’. As I reflect on this, I think of the host of witnesses that observe the coming together of two people in holy matrimony. They are supposed to, and in fact, often promise to, help keep the two newlyweds together. But alas, too many become distant and uninvolved, often contributing with their apathy, to a broken home. Both making a covenant and being a witness to one is an awesome responsibility.

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Laban’s Compromising Response -- Genesis 31:36-43-44

Then Laban replied to Jacob, "The daughters are my daughters, and the children are my children, and the flocks are my flocks, and all that you see is mine. But what can I do this day to these my daughters or to their children whom they have borne? So now come, let us make a covenant, you and I, and let it be a witness between you and me."

How embarrassing all this must have been for Laban in front of all his kinsmen? It is possible that many may not have been aware of the ‘whole’ story as Jacob told it. I could see them all now turning to Laban with a look that basically said, “and what do you say to that, Laban?” Well, we have Laban’s response, but the meaning behind what he said is not totally clear.

He starts off by saying “the daughters you refer to are indeed my daughters”. Laban wants it to be clearly understood by Jacob and everyone present that he has a right to his daughters. He does the same with respect to the children claiming they are his inasmuch as they are his grandchildren. Then he throws in his flocks and everything else that is around – according to him, everything that Jacob possesses is his. A person’s self-worth in those days, perhaps not unlike today, was measured in terms of property owned and their ability to boast about it. One supposes today somebody in the crowd would say about Laban, “the man just doesn’t get it, does he?” In fact, everything was indeed all Jacob’s, because God Himself had seen to it that it become rightfully his.

Either under this grand illusion or outright ownership or as the master compromiser that he is, Laban indicates that he cannot do anything that would hurt or upset his daughters and their children. He has nothing else to say to Jacob. He cannot condemn Jacob. He cannot deny what Jacob has said. He cannot justify himself. Some believe he was convicted by his own conscience for what he had done. I’m not so sure. All indications are that he realized the public predicament he was in and wanted to prevent Jacob from saying anything else. He admits no fault and does not ask for any forgiveness from Jacob or his daughters.

Instead, Laban wants to look like the magnanimous grantor of good things once again so he offers this great gesture of kindness in that he “won’t take any more action against Jacob”. In fact, he wants to go one step further as evidence of his newly expressed ‘kindness’. He invites Jacob to make a covenant with him as a witness between their agreement to be at peace. Have you ever experienced anyone with that kind of gull? Someone who has hurt you deeply and almost ruined you and then when finally exposed, wants to make peace with you and appear as the righteous one? I have and it is very difficult to contend with. You have all these witnesses just waiting for you to agree to the offer. Yet, deep down you know there’s more to look out for.

In Jacob’s case, Laban wants an agreement or covenant between them. In the verses that follow, we find out more about this and Jacob’s reaction.

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Angry, Jacob Seeks Closure -- Genesis 31:36-42

Then Jacob became angry and contended with Laban; and Jacob said to Laban, "What is my transgression? What is my sin that you have hotly pursued me? Though you have felt through all my goods, what have you found of all your household goods? Set it here before my kinsmen and your kinsmen, that they may decide between us two. These twenty years I have been with you; your ewes and your female goats have not miscarried, nor have I eaten the rams of your flocks. That which was torn of beasts I did not bring to you; I bore the loss of it myself. You required it of my hand whether stolen by day or stolen by night. Thus I was: by day the heat consumed me and the frost by night, and my sleep fled from my eyes. These twenty years I have been in your house; I served you fourteen years for your two daughters and six years for your flock, and you changed my wages ten times. If the God of my father, the God of Abraham, and the fear of Isaac, had not been for me, surely now you would have sent me away empty-handed. God has seen my affliction and the toil of my hands, so He rendered judgment last night."

Now you would think that after Laban could not find the idols he was looking for, he would be the angry one. But instead, we read that it is Jacob that becomes angry and starts to ‘contend’, that is, argue, debate or dispute the issue with Laban. To get things rolling he asks Laban to tell him exactly what crime he is being accused of or what law, command, or moral code he may have violated that gave Laban cause to pursue him in such an intense and committed way. With reference once again to the so-called stolen idols, he tells Laban that he had searched and found nothing of his that Jacob’s household had taken.

Jacob wants to have the matter settled once and for all right there and then. He asks Laban to state his case before his own kinsmen and those of Jacob so that they could decide who is in the right. Jacob had faith in the approach. He believed that the kinsmen would indeed side with what is honorable and true. This is a far cry from the partisan politics that are exhibited these days when two sides are in dispute and often a third party that has no personal interest or stake in one side or the other is required to resolve an issue. It is important for us, whenever we are given the opportunity, to side in favor of what is right and honorable, even if it means that we might be going against the wishes of those that mean a lot to us. I find that often many would rather shirk their responsibility to do so by either not getting involved or going against their better judgment.

Now both sides of the family were all gathered around and Jacob just commences to relate his side of the story. He tells how he had been with Laban for twenty years. Unfortunately at this point we have no way to connect this date precisely in our chronological chart.

Jacob is aware that Laban has nothing on him. After all, Laban came after his ‘idols’ not his flocks. He knew better. He knew that Jacob would have taken only those animals and herds that were rightfully his when he left. In fact, Jacob shares how Laban’s sheep and goats have not miscarried during his tenure as head-shepherd and how certainly none of Jacob’s family ever took any of Laban’s animals to slaughter for their own food. “In fact”, Jacob says, “I even had to make up for any of your animals that were destroyed by wild beasts and I did that from my own herd. I had to repay you for anything that was stolen by others during my watch.”

We learn from these verses that Laban was not as gentle a master as we may have believed him to be from earlier chapters. Jacob continues, “I had to work for you in the heat during the day and sleep in the cold outside at night to take care of your flocks. In fact, with all the perils of the outdoors endangering your flocks, I could hardly sleep at all.”

All in all Jacob had been in Laban’s house for twenty years. He was now at least sixty years of age and likely more. All we know is that it had been at least twenty years since Esau had married Judith and Basemath (Genesis 26:34). Assuming for now, only twenty years between then and now, we can now present the following chronological chart:

• 3371 Esau at age 40 marries Judith and Basemath (Genesis 26:34)
• circa 3391 Jacob and his family leave Laban’s home (Genesis 31:41)
• 3394 The death of Ishmael (based on his birth in 3257 and Genesis 25:17)

Not only did Jacob work for Laban for twenty years, but he reminds him and everyone listening that he was a part of Laban’s house for those twenty years. He served him fourteen years in exchange for Laban giving him his two daughters to marry. Yet Laban still made him work another six years for his share of the flock. And during that time as he became either jealous or suspicious of Jacob’s success with his flourishing flock, he changed Jacob’s wages ten times – either by reducing them or by making him do more for what he got paid. The harshness of Laban as a master continued to be exposed by Jacob.

Things were so bad Jacob said, that if it weren’t for the fact that Laban realized that the God of Isaac and Abraham was with Jacob, and if it weren’t for Laban’s fear of Isaac, Laban would have sent him away with nothing, perhaps even taking what was now Jacob’s back. But instead, God saw the misfortune that had fallen on Jacob and the hardship he had to endure, and allowed him to escape with his family. God is always aware of what we are going through. At some point, when He deems it appropriate, when we have been molded to His will and experienced and become what He has planned for us, then He comes to our rescue and renders judgment on our oppressors. We cannot forget that as we live our lives in these difficult times. The story of Jacob’s family leaving his twenty-year bondage is an excellent reminder.

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Laban Searches For His Idols -- Genesis 31:33-35

So Laban went into Jacob's tent and into Leah's tent and into the tent of the two maids, but he did not find them. Then he went out of Leah's tent and entered Rachel's tent. Now Rachel had taken the household idols and put them in the camel's saddle, and she sat on them. And Laban felt through all the tent but did not find them. She said to her father, "Let not my lord be angry that I cannot rise before you, for the manner of women is upon me." So he searched but did not find the household idols.

Having been given permission by Jacob to try and find his idols among Jacob’s caravan, Laban begins to search starting with Jacob’s personal tent, then Leah’s, and then the tent of the two maids belonging to Leah and Rachel. As was to be expected he found nothing.

What is not known is why he left Rachel’s tent last. It could have been coincidence. It could have been location. Nevertheless, that is what he did. What is not clear from the text, however, is the order in which he checked the first three tents. While the order given first is that of Laban checking Jacob, Leah, and the maids’ tent, the passage goes on to say he went into Rachel’s tent right after leaving Leah’s tent. One possible explanation is that he had gone back Leah’s tent for something before going on to Rachel’s tent.

Having had sufficient time to figure out what to do with the stolen idols, Rachel put them in her camel’s saddle and sat on them in her tent. Laban enters her tent and goes searching through it. I wonder if he and Rachel exchanged any greetings or other words. What an experience that must have been to have one’s father come into your room after you’ve left his household without saying goodbye, to look for something you may have stolen? It was bad that you had left unannounced. It was worse that you possibly may have been the one that had stolen his idols. To that, add the fact that he cannot find anything in your room, and you have one very angry father.

Rachel tries to ease the tension by speaking first. She asks Laban not to be angry that she does not stand up to greet him as would have been expected of daughters when their father enters their presence or when a visitor visits them in their home. But her excuse was possibly another lie, namely, that she was in the midst of her menstrual period. Respecting that, Laban continued his search speechless and found nothing of what he was looking for. Once again, God protects His own for His plans regardless of their short-comings.

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The Cost of Honesty/Dishonesty -- Genesis 31:31-32

Then Jacob replied to Laban, "Because I was afraid, for I thought that you would take your daughters from me by force. The one with whom you find your gods shall not live; in the presence of our kinsmen point out what is yours among my belongings and take it for yourself." For Jacob did not know that Rachel had stolen them.

Jacob begins to answer Laban’s question but first addresses why he left like a thief in the night rather than why someone may have stolen Laban’s idols. In his answer, Jacob admits fear and that if he had tried to leave openly, Leah and Rachel would not have been allowed to go with him. Sometimes we do things out of our fear. We’re afraid that if we do things the way we want to do them, we’d lose out on something or someone that we value greatly. As we study Jacob we need to remember that he, as with Abraham and Isaac before him, was not perfect by any means. God did work with and use them all in spite of their own stubbornness and often their fear which caused them to take matters into their hands. Sometimes by lying as to ‘who their wife really was’ and sometimes by ‘fleeing in the night’ as in Jacob’s case. This does not change the fact that the preferred way to live is to do the right thing in our fear, trusting God to get us through any situation. I understand this is often easier said than done. I believe much of it has to do with how far we have moved in our journey from being in the wilderness as a saved but carnal Christian to being in the land of milk and honey across the river Jordan as a spiritual man or woman of God, where He alone rules in our lives.

The next thing we notice is that Jacob was not aware of the fact that Rachel had stolen her father’s idols when she fled with Jacob. In fact, he was not even aware that the idols had been stolen at all. We note two things: As much as Rachel may have loved Jacob and vice-versa, they certainly were not totally open and honest with each other when it came to their actions. Rachel had kept the theft from her husband. This past week, my adult family and I watched a movie on television entitled Duplicity with Julia Roberts – some of you may have seen. It was an excellent depiction of just that – the fact of being deceptive, dishonest, or misleading. The pursuit of duplicity was being carried out between corporations, individuals, and even those who were supposed to be in love with each other. In the end, the key characters were left with nothing.

Secondly, I wonder whether Jacob would have been as readily agreeable to have the individual with whom the idols would be found be put to death had he known they were indeed stolen by a member of his own household. Would Jacob have indeed allowed Laban’s relatives to search his caravan? Perhaps he believed Laban was just bluffing. No matter what his reason was, with this offer, the plot certainly thickens.

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Laban Demands Answers -- Genesis 31:25-30

Laban caught up with Jacob. Now Jacob had pitched his tent in the hill country, and Laban with his kinsmen camped in the hill country of Gilead. Then Laban said to Jacob, "What have you done by deceiving me and carrying away my daughters like captives of the sword? Why did you flee secretly and deceive me, and did not tell me so that I might have sent you away with joy and with songs, with timbrel and with lyre; and did not allow me to kiss my sons and my daughters? Now you have done foolishly. It is in my power to do you harm, but the God of your father spoke to me last night, saying, 'Be careful not to speak either good or bad to Jacob.' Now you have indeed gone away because you longed greatly for your father's house; but why did you steal my gods?”

Can you imagine all the things running through old Laban’s mind as he and his relatives pursued Jacob? What were his original plans of action? What did his relatives expect? What, given God’s warning, will he do now? What would he say to Jacob and to his daughters? What feelings would he have towards his grandchildren? This reminds me a little of the times I’ve been very angry with someone and I was on my way to deal with the matter. I rehearsed in my mind exactly what I would say or do. I could never get it just right. And when I finally would get to where I really had to take action, my so-called plan had to contend with the other person’s words or actions as well. If only somehow we can discern what God would have us do in each case, how much easier that would be.

In this passage, Laban catches up with Jacob’s caravan. They had pitched their tents in the hill country and Laban does likewise close by. Then he goes to Jacob.

It should be easy for us to understand Laban’s approach. He can’t be hard on Jacob, but he can ask “why?” and he did. “Why have you deceived me by stealing away my daughters? Why did you go secretly without giving me a chance to send you off with a feast? Why wasn’t I allowed to kiss my grandchildren? Jacob, you acted very foolishly.”

There are two interesting points of view brought out here. First, when we do what God tells us to do and it affects others, we can expect to be asked ‘why?’. Parents or relatives, or employers, may even have a natural right to ask that question. Certainly, if our actions have impacted them in what they consider to be a hurtful or negative manner, they have that right. And we need to be ready to respond.

Secondly, we need to be prepared for the eventuality that, in their estimation, what we are doing is deemed foolish. After all, as Christians we are acting from and on a totally foreign worldview from their own. Our value systems are non-comprehensible to them. Finally, we’re acting out of obedience to God and motivated by our desire to please Him. They’re expecting us to act out of self-gain motivation and a desire to take the kind of steps that they would. There is no doubt they will have difficulty understanding.

Not only does Laban ask why, and tells Jacob he was foolish, but he goes on to make sure that Jacob knows what Laban could have done to him. He could have done him harm (which was likely his original intention). Men who use other men for their own purposes and even trick them into marital relationships with their own daughters will not stop at harming them if that would get them what they want. Unless of course, God stops them as He did in Laban’s case. And Laban accepts that. He even offers a plausible excuse as to why Jacob did leave, saying it was because he “longed greatly” for the house of his father. That may have been true, but it is not why Jacob fled. Sometimes people cannot accept our reasons for taking certain actions. Then they provide their own rationale just so they can accept what has taken place. Laban was doing just that. But there are things he still does not understand. One of those was why someone (he thought Jacob) stole his gods.

Before we move to the next section to get an answer from Jacob, we must point out that while we surmised what role these statues played in Laban’s house when we addressed Rachel’s taking them, we now have the additional information that to Laban, they were indeed perceived as being his ‘gods’. This further clarifies our thinking with respect to the whole situation between Jacob and Laban. It is important for us to know at all times where people stand before God before we consider what may and may not be right in any given action we could take in such a situation. We would do best to consider this before we even try to determine why they themselves acted or did not act in a given way.

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Laban Pursues and Catches Up to Jacob -- Genesis 31:22-24

When it was told Laban on the third day that Jacob had fled, then he took his kinsmen with him and pursued him a distance of seven days' journey, and he overtook him in the hill country of Gilead. God came to Laban the Aramean in a dream of the night and said to him, "Be careful that you do not speak to Jacob either good or bad."

The first thing we notice in this passage is that Laban did not hear Jacob was gone for three days. That timeframe causes us to wonder about several things: how far away did they live from each other? how soon did anyone notice Jacob’s entire family was gone? if they did notice early on, why did it take them so long to tell Laban? and finally, if Laban’s idols stolen by Rachel when she fled were used in Laban’s worship, how often did he consider them as he had not missed them for three days? Interesting questions left for us to ponder on our own.

What we do know is that as soon as Laban found out Jacob and his family had fled, he gathered a number of his relatives to join him and they took off in pursuit of Jacob. In fact, the text indicates they chased him a distance of “seven days’ journey”. By my calculation, that means Laban used four days to travel the distance Jacob did in seven. Of course, that’s doable considering there were no women and children in Laban’s group to slow him down and he was a man on a mission.

This episode reminds me of Abimelech and his officers pursuing Isaac as recorded in Genesis 26 because he wanted peace with Isaac. Abimelech had seen that God was with Isaac and feared that he could overpower Abimelech if he chose to. Now Jacob is being pursued but for a slightly different reason.

The scripture says “God came to Laban…in a dream of the night….” Clearly, even Laban’s group had to rest for a while each night as they pursued Jacob’s caravan.

There are at least two things to notice and learn from this event. First, God does not only speak to His followers but he communicates also with those who yet do not know Him personally. Recently we were driving in South Carolina and listening to the radio. Someone who gave no evidence or credit to God in his account of his experience, was saying he had a dream about a murder that had indeed occurred two days later. I turned the radio off and asked my wife this question: “Suppose one does not believe in God at all, where would such premonitions, dreams, feelings, come from?” I continued, “If they stopped to think long enough, they would realize that there’s a God who actually does this.” She wisely responded, “They would tell you it is ESP, energy forces in the mind, the body, etc. But I know what you’re saying. You’re saying, there has to be a Supreme Being behind all of that – connecting it and making it happen.” Yes, that’s exactly it. Both believers and unbelievers can have a spiritual communication with God, but the latter just do not realize who is on the other end of line.

Secondly, God can give direction to both believers and unbelievers. In this case He warns Laban not to say anything good or bad to Jacob. It is possible that Laban had different plans as suggested by the fact that he took a posse with him and pursued Jacob at great speed. Perhaps he wanted to take back everything by force. But God instructs him otherwise. He was not even to say anything negative or positive to Jacob, let alone do anything. I believe that God protects His own by directly communicating to our enemies. His awesome power works wonders on changing their plans.

The likelihood of Laban having intented to harm Jacob physically is very small. You will remember that Laban had clearly admitted earlier that he knew it was because of Jacob that God had blessed Laban. So that would still be in his mind and he would be careful not to anger God by acting violently towards Jacob. Nevertheless, it is safe to assume he intended some very strong words. Except now, God says “Be careful not to....”

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Jacob Makes Laban Another Offer -- Genesis 30:31-36

So he said, "What shall I give you?" And Jacob said, "You shall not give me anything. If you will do this one thing for me, I will again pasture and keep your flock: let me pass through your entire flock today, removing from there every speckled and spotted sheep and every black one among the lambs and the spotted and speckled among the goats; and such shall be my wages. So my honesty will answer for me later, when you come concerning my wages. Every one that is not speckled and spotted among the goats and black among the lambs, if found with me, will be considered stolen." Laban said, "Good, let it be according to your word." So he removed on that day the striped and spotted male goats and all the speckled and spotted female goats, every one with white in it, and all the black ones among the sheep, and gave them into the care of his sons. And he put a distance of three days' journey between himself and Jacob, and Jacob fed the rest of Laban's flocks.

Laban does not miss the opening that Jacob gives him when the latter posed the questions, “when will I be able to provide for my own household myself?” Laban quickly responds, “What can I give you?” He was basically saying, “Look it is important for me to have you stay and take care of my herds and I’m willing to give you something over and above your wages so that you can call it your own, thereby establishing a household that stands on its own independent of what may happen to me in the future.” Wow. This is a model that is followed by many a father for their offspring even today – helping their sons and daughters to establish themselves and become independent of their parents. In my case, my mom and dad provided the down payment for Chrysogon and I to buy our first home in 1973 when there was no way we could ever afford it ourselves. Likewise we have been able to supply all of our children with funds, both as gifts and as loans in order for them to buy homes, a business, pay off debts, a car, etc. With this kind of assistance from the older generation, the younger generation can get established and hopefully someday pass the kindness forward to their own children, our grandchildren. In my father’s case, he even took care of his grandchildren through what he left them. And to think we first saw this model as being suggested by Laban to his nehphew Jacob.

Laban of course, based on his observation of Jacob’s personality all these years being one of honesty and good-naturedness, expected Jacob to be most reasonable in his requests. In fact, Laban may have well figured better to have Jacob happy giving him what he wanted rather than he offering him more than was necessary. Thus, “What shall I give you?”

And Jacob does not miss the opportunity to take advantage of Laban’s offer. He immediately comes back with a proposition. Whether this was something that just came to him on the sport or it was pre-determined, we do not know. He tells Laban that if he did what he was about to propose, that would be sufficient, and he would remain to manage Laban’s flock.

Jacob would check every animal in Laban’s flock. Whichever one was a speckled and spotted sheep, a black lamb, and a spotted and speckled goat, Jacob would take them as his wages. Now it is not clear whether or not this was all the wages he would get, or whether this was the “signing bonus” for continuing to manage Laban’s flock. I would assume the former if we accept the text at face value.

The proposal also had a secondary benefit. As the animals that Jacob would take were marked by their spots and speckles, or were black in color, any animal among his future flock that wasn’t like that, would clearly be a sign of having been stolen from Laban. Thus Jacob’s integrity could also be checked on from time to time. Their individual flocks would be distinguished. Laban gains in that his flocks will remain pure since the marked ones are removed. Jacob will always have marked flocks but trusts God for his blessings.

Laban immediately accepts the offer, making me feel somehow that both these men were moving way too quickly given what was at stake here – location of Jacob’s family, working for his uncle indefinitely, etc. Laban held Jacob to his word and that day, Jacob started removing all the marked animals as agreed to. The text here also adds the word ‘striped’ when it comes to the goats, although that description was omitted in the earlier portion of the passage. Its inclusion becomes significant in the verses that follow.

Jacob, who had indirectly been accused of having taken advantage of his uncle’s goodness and now wanted to take off, shows fairness and restrain in the terms of this proposal. The proposal was also in keeping with the practice of Eastern shepherds who did receive their wages in a similar form, that is, some percentage of the growth of the flock.

Jacob then gives the marked animals to his own sons to take care of, as young as the boys may have been. I am reminded of my own father who as young as six years of age was a barefoot shepherd in the hills of his native land. But in this case, Jacob removed his marked animals from Laban’s own flock. That distance away is described as requiring three days travel. Yet he himself continued to feed Laban’s flocks. So here we have Jacob’s family’s flocks being three days away with his young sons minding them and Jacob being with Laban’s flocks. Where exactly in relationship to these two locations of the different flocks, Jacob’s wives established their homes, is not known. The complications of the arrangement for the family continued.

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Jacob Seeks to Leave His Father-in-law’s Genesis 30:25-30

Now it came about when Rachel had borne Joseph, that Jacob said to Laban, "Send me away, that I may go to my own place and to my own country. Give me my wives and my children for whom I have served you, and let me depart; for you yourself know my service which I have rendered you." But Laban said to him, "If now it pleases you, stay with me; I have divined that the LORD has blessed me on your account." He continued, "Name me your wages, and I will give it." But he said to him, "You yourself know how I have served you and how your cattle have fared with me. For you had little before I came and it has increased to a multitude, and the LORD has blessed you wherever I turned. But now, when shall I provide for my own household also?"

The text indicates that Jacob gets his first son directly from his beloved Rachel and then approaches Laban with a proposition. We need to note that these two actions are not necessarily connected as cause and effect. It is possible that Jacob realized that he was not getting any younger and he still had not set up his own independent household. In any event, Jacob asks Laban to “send him away”. He clearly wants to go to his own country and in particular where his family lived. Was this strictly because of the fact that his family lived in Canaan or was it because he believed that Canaan was indeed the “land of promise” that God had given to his grandfather, Abraham and then his father, Isaac? Haran was nice to visit but not home. Perhaps there is a lesson here for us as well. As believers we need to realize we are just visiting this world. By virtue of our personal relationship with God and His Son, Jesus Christ, we are citizens of heaven and our desire should be to return there.

You may also remember, many years previously, Jacob’s mother Rebekah had promised Jacob he would only be going to his uncle Laban’s home until things improved between him and his brother Esau. For some reason, Esau may not have gotten over his anger with Jacob as quickly as everyone had hoped he would have. Rebekah never sent word to Jacob to return.

What gave rise to the request ‘send me away’? Did Jacob really need Laban’s permission? Was Jacob asking for Laban to do it so he and his family would be bestowed with gifts? He ‘asks’ Laban for his wives (and their maids we would assume) and the children they bore him. I believe this was more of a request of a ‘blessing’ or at least a concurrence. He points out to Laban that he has already worked to pay for Laban’s daughters (fourteen years in total) and that he has been a most valuable servant of Laban’s all these years (while some try to calculate the years beyond the fourteen, there is no sure evidence as to how many they would have been to this point). Jacob’s eldest son,
Reuben, would have been at least a young teenager and the other at least eleven children (ten sons and at least one daughter) were all younger right down to Joseph who would have been a toddler.

Laban however was not prepared to let him go without at least an attempt to keep him, his daughters, and grandchildren, not to mention the valuable worker that he had found in Jacob. So he asks Jacob to stay if he would. And the reason he gives for that request tells us a lot about the situation Jacob was in. The text says Laban had “divined” that the Lord had blessed him because of Jacob. The King James Version says he knew this “by experience”. The actual Hebrew word used is nachash which is translated to mean to practice divination, divine, observe signs, learn by experience, diligently observe, practice fortunetelling, and take as an omen. The translations are pretty split on the use of divination, experience, or observation with the later translations moving towards divination and observation rather than experience. It is possible that Jacob still had one foot in the occult practices of those that were not worshipping the true God alone. I have experienced that with my own ethnic people as they move from their state religion (Greek Orthodox) to becoming Protestant. They continue to celebrate and observe many of the Greek Orthodox festivals and practices. It makes, in their minds, for greater security or social integration. In reality it weakens their testimony and perhaps their reliance on, and relationship with, God.

What we do know is that Laban was aware that his good fortune was due to Jacob’s presence. He knew that his stock had handsomely increased under Jacob’s management. He had indeed learned by experience as we all can. Sometimes the sources of learning are godly and sometimes they are the consequences of our own selfishness, stubbornness, worldly gain and pursuits, and even evil.

We also must point out that Laban does credit God with blessing him regardless of how he arrives at that conclusion. I am often surprised in life to hear otherwise deceptive men and women thank God for their good fortunes and indeed they are right. Many have observed that oftentimes God blesses people with so many worldly goods who have, by their own choice, no claim to eternal rewards. I do not know the reason for that but I am sure that almost everybody reading these words can name people who fall into that category. Perhaps God’s decision to do so has less to do with those He is giving worldly success to, and more to do with us whom He is preparing to reign with Him.

For all these reasons, Laban tries to persuade Jacob to remain as his lead man mentioning how he took Jacob in when he came to Haran, adding that if this meant anything to Jacob, he should stay.

Laban was willing to pay Jacob whatever wages he wanted if he remained with him. What an opportunity. The sky was the limit. Jacob could name his price and just continue the life he had. That was a real deal. What would you have done? Sometimes people get opportunities like that in life. Someone really wants to go and serve God as a missionary, but the boss comes along and gives him/her a promotion with a sizeable salary increase. Or someone knows that he/she should not be getting involved with a certain person, but is then offered a sweetener to the relationship deal and he/she sticks around in a deal one should have refused.

From Laban’s dealing with Jacob we can learn that selfish men know how to talk sweet when they must to satisfy their greed. Laban knew it was because of Jacob’s belief in God that he himself was blessed. Two questions stem from this. The first is “am I being blessed by God because of someone else’s faith in God?” Is there a parent, sibling, friend, or even a child to which I matter a lot that has a personal relationship to God and thus God is blessing me because of them? If so, and if I realize it, does it not make sense that my blessing from God could be greater if I too had that relationship with Him?

The second question that arises from our knowledge that Laban’s blessing was due to Jacob’s relationship with God is, “Is someone else being blessed because of my relationship with God?” If I believe that is the case, then how do I best convey that to the one being blessed if indeed they are not aware of it? For example, how many employees of a Christian-owned company are blessed with continuous employment, good salaries and benefits and a healthy work-life balance because their employer has a personal relationship with God? How many children have been blessed because their parents have had a relationship with God that has enabled them to succeed and bless others? I am sure you the reader can provide more examples. The question is how do we let those being indirectly blessed know it if they do not already?

I believe there are several things one can do. First, we acknowledge publicly our own blessing by God. Secondly, we express that these people share in that blessing which is from God. Thirdly, we invite them to have a personal relationship with God and thus be blessed directly so that they too can be a means by which God can bless others.

Also, as we look at the Laban and Jacob account, we realize this indirect blessing of
God’s because of those who have a personal relationship with Him, may often be enjoyed by otherwise bad people. That is not for us to judge or complain about. As the dealer of the blessings, God is not bound by any rules whatsoever. His blessings are strictly His to give to whomever and whenever and however He wishes. Personally, I have felt more blessed as I realized and accepted that fact.

So Laban tells Jacob to “name his wages”. Whatever Jacob would have asked for, Laban was willing to pay in order to keep him. Jacob tries to explain that it’s not that simple. He reminds Laban that his herd of cattle grew from a few to a multitude and that it was he that was blessed because of Jacob, while Jacob himself was not establishing his own means to provide for his family and household. Jacob, being a smart and experienced man by now, realized that working for someone else all one’s life had its limitations and that there were advantages to being self-employed or at least self-dependent when it came to take care of one’s own.

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Jacob Gets A Big Surprise -- Genesis 29:21-30

Then Jacob said to Laban, "Give me my wife, for my time is completed, that I may go in to her." Laban gathered all the men of the place and made a feast. Now in the evening he took his daughter Leah, and brought her to him; and Jacob went in to her. Laban also gave his maid Zilpah to his daughter Leah as a maid. So it came about in the morning that, behold, it was Leah! And he said to Laban, "What is this you have done to me? Was it not for Rachel that I served with you? Why then have you deceived me?" But Laban said, "It is not the practice in our place to marry off the younger before the firstborn. Complete the week of this one, and we will give you the other also for the service which you shall serve with me for another seven years." Jacob did so and completed her week, and he gave him his daughter Rachel as his wife. Laban also gave his maid Bilhah to his daughter Rachel as her maid. So Jacob went in to Rachel also, and indeed he loved Rachel more than Leah, and he served with Laban for another seven years.

Having worked his seven-year agreed-to term, Jacob goes to Laban and officially asks for his wife in order that he can finally have sexual relations with her. The text goes directly from quoting Jacob’s request to telling us that Laban simply gathered all the men of the place and made a feast. Notice there is no recorded account of a commitment that indicates Laban would indeed give Rachel to Jacob. In addition, it appears that the party or feast that Laban threw for Jacob was exclusively, or as a minimum primarily for men. It was the first recorded stag in history. And like most stags today, alcohol and in this case, wine, was flowing freely and long into the night. Jacob himself most likely participated fully in the event. Some believe these feasts or pre-marriage celebrations went on for a whole seven days. With darkness having arrived the first night and Jacob inebriated to some extent, Laban then takes his older daughter Leah and brings her to Jacob and he has sexual intercourse with her. That immediately, in those days, seals her marriage and as a married woman, her father also gives her a maid of her own, Zilpah. All this while Jacob, after having had intercourse, is sound asleep. How was all this possible? It was the custom of the day, according to some, that a bride was to be heavily veiled until she was alone with her husband. Add to that the facts that it was dark and Jacob was likely drunk at this point and you can see how this was indeed possible.

But then there’s always the morning after. Surprise Jacob. It wasn’t Rachel you married last night; it was Leah! So how does it feel to be cheated like that? Can you empathize a little with how Esau must have felt when you cheated him out of his blessing? How about your father Isaac when you deceived him with your fake fur on your arms pretending to be Esau? Cheating doesn’t feel good from this end, does it?

It is said that we often get treated the way we treat others. God has a way of allowing that to happen. We sometimes get what we deserve. What about Leah? She was either an accomplice in agreement or a daughter in submission to her father. We do not know if she secretly loved Jacob. It may have been a combination of all these things – Laban lining up an opportunity to marry off his older daughter by cheating, Jacob getting his just desserts, a cultural tradition that had to be followed, and Leah’s secret love and/or her obedience to her father. And where was Rachel that first night? Where was her mother? Here is a perfect early example of family solidarity even when the head of the home is doing something terribly wrong and deceitful. Every member of the family is easily persuaded by both familial and community pressures to go along with, to remain silent to, to the keep the secret of, the sin being committed. In this case it was deception involving who one had to marry. But more often and especially today, it has to do with physical abuse, sexual abuse including incest, alcohol and drug addiction, theft, cheating through the family business, lying, and even covering for a serious felony. Families, friends, clubs, boards, cabinets, have a way of doing this. Those that object are slowly moved to the sidelines never to be heard of again. When they later go public, they are labeled as disgruntled former members of the group. So many remain silent. Churches themselves are not immune to this. Honesty across the board is the best policy so that these situations do not arise, but when that is not possible, honesty among those that disagree must be pursued, although the cost is often incredible.

Jacob enquires of Laban, “What have you done to me? Our deal was about Rachel. I worked for her and you have deceived me.” He is familiar with broken deals and understanding, and with deceit. Laban blames the situation on a parochial tradition (the “practice in our place”) to marry off the older daughter first. We may not be able to confirm or deny that, but assuming it was true, Laban could have made that a requirement up front and Jacob may well have agreed to it. [Certainly no guest of Laban’s that week disagreed with him, but then again it would have been very unprofitable for him or her to call the host a liar.]

Laban tries to work out a deal with Jacob. If Jacob completes the marriage week with Leah, he would then give him Rachel right after that. Jacob was to have only Leah for one week and treat her as a wife, and be a husband to her, in every way during that honeymoon week. Then he would have Rachel as well. We must not miss what really occurred here. You will remember that Jacob’s father, Isaac, had only one wife, Rebekah. His parents were most upset that Jacob’s older brother, Esau, had taken more than one wife. Jacob came to Laban’s house to find a wife from his mother’s family, but now, due to the cheating sin of Laban is about to end up with two wives. One sin often leads to another and this was certainly the case here.

But Laban wasn’t going to give Rachel to Jacob for nothing. He required another seven years of labor from Jacob, even though he would have her now. Obviously, Jacob had shown by his demeanor that he wasn’t about to flee with Rachel, or even with Leah tagging along. If he agreed to the deal, he would stay and work the second seven years. Laban gives Rachel her own maid, Bilhah, as he done for Leah. So good old Jacob inherits two wives and their maids all in one week.

The Bible gives us no information as to how Jacob actually reacted to this deal except to say that he finished his week with Leah, then had sexual intercourse with Rachel, taking her as a wife as well, and proceeded to serve Laban another seven years. Why he did all that, no one knows, except that we are told he really loved Rachel and more specifically, he loved her more than Leah.

When God created marriage, He intended for a man and a woman to become one and to love each other unequivocally and unreservedly. The love that God instilled in us reserved for our spouse leaves no room whatsoever for another person. At its intended ultimate state, total marital love can only be expressed towards one person. Those that are married and have more than one child, realize that marital love is different than the love we have for our children – a love that can be equally distributed among our children. I love my three children equally and I love my five grandchildren equally. Distance, personality, activity preferences, etc., may mean I spend more time with one over another, but the felt love is identical. My love for my wife, however, with all of life’s intricacies, experiences, memories, struggles, joys, that we have shared after thirty-eight years of marriage, cannot be shared with anyone else. Those, who outside the will of God, think it can, are only fooling themselves. In fact, I would suggest that you are not really in love with that ‘second’ person, but rather you love what that person may be offering you at any given point in your life. Some become aware of that distinction before they get involved, some afterwards and by the grace of God and their spouse they can still return to what God intended, and some when it is too late and lives are ruined.

While God never prescribed polygamy, it is true He never legislated against it in the days of Jacob. But clearly from His early words with respect to marriage, as found in Genesis 2:24, we know that He preferred monogamy. Those that pursued polygamy, did so, partially out of ignorance and partially out of greed, egoism, and sometimes the pursuit of sensual pleasure. We end this section with the knowledge that Jacob now had two wives.

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Jacob Agrees To Work For Rachel’s Hand in Marriage -- Genesis 29:16-20

Now Laban had two daughters; the name of the older was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel. And Leah's eyes were weak, but Rachel was beautiful of form and face. Now Jacob loved Rachel, so he said, "I will serve you seven years for your younger daughter Rachel." Laban said, "It is better that I give her to you than to give her to another man; stay with me." So Jacob served seven years for Rachel and they seemed to him but a few days because of his love for her.

Before we learn how Jacob responded to Laban’s questions about how he would like to be compensated for the work he is doing for Laban, the writer of the text has to fill us in on some more background information. Laban, we are told, had two daughters. There was Rachel whom we had already met and her older sister Leah. Scripture says Leah had weak eyes and it is an interesting conjecture as to what exactly this may mean. The actual word translated as ‘eyes’ here also has the implication of referring to mental qualities and mental or spiritual faculties in addition to serving as a definition for the physical eye itself. Given the comparison made with Rachel’s appearance that follows, one can safely, but not with total assurance, make the assumption that any weakness Leah had with respect to her eyes did indeed refer to how they looked. It is also possible, as I have read, that in those Middle East lands of the time, dark brown eyes were considered to be a strong asset and bluish-grey eyes appeared blurry and thus weak. Leah may well have had blue eyes.

It is interesting how the Bible is filled with many comparative observations about people. Already we have read the various comparisons of Cain and Abel (farmer/hunter), Jacob and Esau (smooth/hairy), and now Leah/Rachel (weak eyes/beautiful form and face). To this point they have all been on external characteristics (career, skin covering, looks). Rachel was indeed beautiful in every physical aspect and it is no wonder that Jacob fell head over heels for her the moment he laid eyes on her. The text confirms that Jacob loved Rachel, providing a solid answer to our earlier question concerning the manner and intent of his kiss when he first met her. He was indeed smitten by love at first sight.

So to Laban’s question of “how then shall I reward you for your work?” Jacob replies that he is prepared to work for seven years in exchange for being allowed to marry Laban’s daughter, specifically Laban’s “younger daughter Rachel”. First of all, can you imagine anyone today willing to work for seven years for a future father-in-law as a condition for being allowed to marry one of his daughters? I don’t think so. First of all we would consider it totally unfair for a father to make such a demand and secondly, my observations tell me that most young men prefer to dissociate themselves entirely from their perspective wife’s family business and prove they can make it on their own. Most that is, except those that know a good thing when they see it. Without definitely putting Jacob in that category, we can at least say that, since he made this offer himself, he saw this as a fair arrangement. But notice that he was, perhaps intentionally, perhaps not, very specific as to which daughter he was talking about and Laban knew that.

For his part, Laban either mulls it over in his mind or already has a prepared answer. He tells Jacob that it is better to give Rachel to him than any other man he knows and implicitly agrees to Jacob’s request by asking him to continue staying on. The result of that agreement remains to be discovered in the sections of scripture still before us. Suffice it to say that there remains to this day in parts of the Middle East and Europe the belief that a younger daughter should not be given in marriage before an older one. Laban knew that when he made this agreement with Jacob. While some argue there was no such expectation or custom, I side with those that have supported its existence.

So Jacob stayed for seven years, waiting to marry Rachel. Now you have to understand that in those days even engaged or betrothed individuals did not get all the freedom to be together that even our teenagers on first dates get these days. No, this was a very controlled and observed relationship between Jacob and Rachel. And still, the text says that time passed quickly because of love. In particular, Jacob felt the seven years went by quickly, almost like days, because of his love for Rachel. As I read that, I wondered whether my love for my wife would have driven me to wait seven years for her, under the conditions that Jacob had to wait for Rachel. I do know that previous to meeting the woman that would become my wife, I had two female friends (at different times) where clearly something as simple as distance was enough to end the relationship. What Jacob undertook successfully goes to his credit.

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Jacob Enquires About Laban -- Genesis 29:1-8

Then Jacob went on his journey, and came to the land of the sons of the east. He looked, and saw a well in the field, and behold, three flocks of sheep were lying there beside it, for from that well they watered the flocks. Now the stone on the mouth of the well was large. When all the flocks were gathered there, they would then roll the stone from the mouth of the well and water the sheep, and put the stone back in its place on the mouth of the well. Jacob said to them, "My brothers, where are you from?" And they said, "We are from Haran." He said to them, "Do you know Laban the son of Nahor?" And they said, "We know him." And he said to them, "Is it well with him?" And they said, "It is well, and here is Rachel his daughter coming with the sheep." He said, "Behold, it is still high day; it is not time for the livestock to be gathered. Water the sheep, and go, pasture them."But they said, "We cannot, until all the flocks are gathered, and they roll the stone from the mouth of the well; then we water the sheep."

He meets God, makes a vow concerning his relationship to God, and then continues on his way. We have no record of how God reacted to Jacob’s vow. Eventually and presumably because God did bless him, Jacob does get to Haran, the land of both his mother and grandfather’s families. He sees a well in one of the fields and three flocks of sheep near it. The herdsmen used that well to water the flocks they were tending. Just like today, wells had to be protected or covered somehow. A large stone blocking the mouth of the well had to be rolled aside so that the sheep could drink and then rolled back when they were finished. That may well have taken more than one person to accomplish. And as he approaches, Jacob decides to address the shepherds, calling them his ‘brothers’. Given these are not his physiological brothers, this reference is very similar to the term made well-known by many blacks and employed by others today to refer to people with a common interest or background. Today we sometimes use the term in full as ‘brother’ or in its shortened form, ‘bro’. In fact, some have even provided an explanatory exclamation for the term. When asked why they are calling someone ‘brother’, they explain, “he’s a brother from a different mother”. In Jacob’s case, they were no doubt very distant relatives.

Jacob asks them where they’re from and they respond, “Haran.” The next logical question, “do you know Laban?” A logical question, the kind we would ask if we met someone from a place where we already knew someone else. Man has this built in urge to be connected with others through known relationships. A study many years back showed that the probability is very high a person on one side of the earth could connect with someone on the other side he has never met through a series of five other strategic inter-relationships. John Guare’s play and later movie, Six Degrees of Separation, attempted to get that message across. The concept is also referred to as the Human Web and certainly Internet networking is making it all very real these days. Plainly put, if a person is one step away from each person they know and two steps away from each person who is known by one of the people they know, then each one of us is, at most, six steps away from any other person on Earth.

As you would expect, they responded, “Yes, we know Laban.” Although they did not say how they knew him, Jacob pursues with another question as to “how Laban is” or more literally “how things were going with him”. Again Jacob’s newfound contacts reported that all was well and in fact, “Laban’s daughter Rachel was just coming to the well with, presumably, her family’s, sheep.”

Now the text takes an interesting path. Here is the stranger Jacob telling these shepherds that it is not yet time to gather the sheep for the sun is still high in the sky or perhaps to have them just sitting around the well. Instead they should be watered and taken to pasture. But rather than telling him to mind his own business, the shepherds replied kindly, given him the reason for their waiting. They could water their own sheep until all the flocks got there (presumably Rachel’s as well). But they replied they could not because the stone in front or above the well could be rolled away until all the flock had arrived. Some commentators refer to the fact that since water was scarce the stone could only be rolled away by all the neighboring shepherds in the presence of the well’s owner or one of his representatives. This was likely Laban’s well and thus all those present had to wait for Rachel’s arrival. Again the text does not say this, but it is a possibility.

Was it also possible that Jacob wanted to get rid of the shepherds so that he could be alone with Rachel? That’s a possibility but not necessarily probable. Protocol may not have allowed that in those days. On the other hand, he knew his mission for coming to Haran was to marry one of Laban’s daughters.

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