While Being A Parent
Author: Eddie Marie Durham
Published by: iUniverse LLC, Bloomington, Indiana, 2014
A Hardworking African-American Mother Inspires Us All
This is a book written by a hard-working, never-say-die,
African-American mother of three boys. It is from the heart. She covers topics
that many of us don’t discuss easily and she does it with almost childlike
transparency. She believes in God. And she has had her shares of troubles. Anybody
who has a sense of the woes of parenthood today needs to read this book. And
while they’re at it, learn much about the modern African-American experience of
life in America.
Let me say straight out that this is not a scholarly
tome. While she writes well, the book did
not have the benefit of professional editing given the limited resources Eddie
Marie Durham had – what it got in that
regard was a wonderful labor of love from a friend. So set that aside and don’t
let it interfere with Eddie’s message – it just may help save your child and
you. Here is just a glimpse of what she
shares.
As a trained educator, Eddie starts off with the premise
of “you better know what you’re getting into if you’re thinking of becoming a
parent.” She was shocked when she
learned about a group of young teens in her own school forming a pact to become
‘mothers’. In fact, much of the beginning of the book is intended to warn young
women about having babies before “they really know what it’s all about.” And she does so very capably.
Then she begins her specific lessons: Early she provides
us with an educated view on discipline. It’s not a dirty word and it doesn’t
always mean corporeal punishment. While she believes in spanking when totally
necessary, she also recognizes that in today’s world where the social mores are
against it, it is not appropriate for the most part.
Whatever she shares, she does it most frankly,
especially on topics not easily talked about. One example is her husband’s
earlier life and his son by another woman. And then there’s the experience she
and her first son had with the Boy Scouts – heartbreaking, but handled well by
Eddie.
What struck me while reading this book is the incredible
similarity of hopes and cares or concerns and struggles and fears that this
mother had with what many of us have experienced as parents. Parenthood, at its foundation, is not bias to
color.
She writes about the importance of two parents, a father
and a mother in a child’s life, both of whom are partnering with God in the
raising of that child. But Durham realizes that is not always possible.
Early in the book she lays out very clearly the
importance of rules and quoting one of her devotional readings, she reminds us
that the story behind the famous movie, Bonnie
and Clyde, was indeed, “who raised Bonnie”. She then proceeds to share
some gems she found with respect to rules – how to explain them; how to
enforce; and what to avoid. She quotes one adolescent program director as
follows: “When the responsibilities
expected of children are significantly lower than the privileges allowed, that
is a cause for concern.” Then shortly afterwards, she outlines her own
mother’s unique set of 12 rules for her children as well as the reason(s) for
each one. Well worth the book’s purchase for that alone. Lastly in this regard,
Durham discusses the topic of homework and what it is meant to accomplish
quoting considerable research on the topic.
She is not a big fan of television’s impact on children
with respect to the reality of life. She shares how she dealt with her son’s
sports accidents as well as her feelings about his first date. Handling the eldest
son’s decision to move out was not easy. And then there were the serious
illnesses that beset one of her son’s, then the wife of another, and then the
author herself. Even the fact that her husband retired and hung around the
house while she still worked and how that impacted the child-rearing, makes for
an interesting read. All excellently
handled, providing for us a role model of what being a parent – even of
grown-up adults is all about.
The author, a post-graduate educated elementary school
teacher, now retired, resides in Texas. One of her passions throughout her
career was to write poems, stories, and plays making difficult accounts more
understandable to children of all ages, as well as a means of celebrating and
remembering the event described. Durham often works these works into her
writings as examples of what she as a parent was called to do sometimes.
We often hear of kids from tough lives succeeding
because of what their mother was like – what she did, what she said at times,
her sacrifices, how she showed her love even when things were tough and there
was no money, and so on. Eddie Durham is one of those mothers – only she’s
telling the story of her sons and how they got to be who they are. Personally,
I consider myself fortunate to have come across Durham and her book. I highly recommend it to all thinking of
parenthood or those already in its throes.
·
Ken B. Godevenos, President, Accord
Resolutions Services Inc., Toronto, Ontario, October 28, 2016. www.accordconsulting.com
Get the book here: http://astore.amazon.com/accorconsu-20
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