If There’s a Will, There’s Definitely a Way!

Addiction, Procrastination, and Laziness:
A Proactive Guide to the Psychology of Motivation

Author: Roman Gelperin

Publisher: Self-published, Middletown, DE, 2018

This is a small book (114 pages) which packs a big message. The bottom line is this: There is hope for behavioral addicts, procrastinators, and the lazy who want to control or stop their addictions, procrastinations, or laziness. As I read the book, I was reminded of the old riddle:

           Q: How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
           A: Only one, but the light bulb has got to want to change!

You and I (assuming we are concerned about our addictive habits, our procrastinations, and/or our laziness) are the ‘light bulb’. Roman Helperin is the ‘psychologist’.

He holds to the idea that “Nearly all self-observant persons will concede that they are not in full control of their behavior.” Then he explains why. . . and what can be done about it.

Helperin starts his book off with five examples which almost every reader can identify with – either personally, or they know someone just like that. Each example represents a multitude of other cases readers may be familiar with.  They are:

1.     The person who has a project to complete but keeps putting it off until the last minute.

2.     The person who really wants to go to the gym to work out but seems to be unmotivated to do so.

3.     The smoker who wants to stop.

4.     The person who cannot stop playing video games.

5.     The person who cannot get out of bed in the morning.

For each of these Helperin shares their frustrations. He takes us through their mental and emotional feelings.  He helps us understand their fear and the impact of not succeeding. He explains the various motivations and pleasures of wanting to succeed but also those associated with continuing in their present condition.  He distinguishes between ‘acts’ and ‘results’, contending that people do not necessarily pursue ‘acts’ that they are involved in, but rather the ‘results’ of those acts.  He shows us that there are both positive (pleasure) and negative (pain) forces for both stopping and commencing any given activity.  The greater forces win out. But our ‘willpower’ can overcome a force. It all makes for interesting, although sometimes, complex reading. 

But he doesn’t leave us there. He introduces us to some very practical strategies (what he calls ‘Our Toolbox’ to conquer the challenges before us.

For starters, we need to understand how our physical environment impacts our ability to stand up to the challenge we are trying to overcome. The frequency of applying such changes improves the likelihood of success with respect to what we are trying to achieve. The success of this is augmented by its frequency. A second strategy is to target the pleasure of overcoming the challenge. Involving others who can act as social motivators to your pursuit can also be very beneficial to your goals.  He introduces a technique called ‘splitting your attention’ to make the hard tasks more doable – but he cautions that some tasks become impossible when attention is split.  (I found this section most interesting, as I reflect on watching television and working on an essay at the same time; or watching my grandchildren working on homework – especially math – and listening to music with their headphones. His comments on this are most interesting.). And there are a number of other equally helpful tools he presents for us to utilize in our different situations.

Finally, Helperin returns to his five examples and applies all the theory he has discussed to each of them, explaining what each person could do to be successful.  Where there’s a will to achieve something or to quit something or to change one’s behavior – there’s definitely a way!

This book is recommended for all those (from teenagers and up) who recognize they’re currently behaving in ways they would rather not. Counselors will also find it a great guide to help their clients overcome addiction, procrastination, and laziness. Well worth the time and effort to check it out.

n Ken B. Godevenos, President, Accord Resolutions Services Inc., Toronto, Ontario, August 26, 2018, www.accordconsulting.com

It would be great if you would share your thoughts or questions on this blog in the comments section below or on social media.

Imagine Having To Assemble Outside Your Church Because God's Glory Had Filled It

The Cloud Guided; God’s Glory Filled

Exodus 40:34-38:

³⁴ Then the cloud covered the tent of meeting, and the glory of the Lord filled the tabernacle.

³⁵ Moses was not able to enter the tent of meeting because the cloud had settled on it, and the glory of the Lord filled the tabernacle.

³⁶ Throughout all their journeys whenever the cloud was taken up from over the tabernacle, the sons of Israel would set out;

³⁷ but if the cloud was not taken up, then they did not set out until the day when it was taken up.

³⁸ For throughout all their journeys, the cloud of the Lord was on the tabernacle by day, and there was fire in it by night, in the sight of all the house of Israel.

Thoughts on the Passage

We need to distinguish between the cloud that hovered above the Tent of Meeting of the Tabernacle, admittedly quite low it appears, having settled on top of it, and “the glory of the LORD” that actually entered the Tabernacle and filled it.  Both the low cloud outside the structure, but more significantly God’s glory inside it, that prevented Moses from entering the Tabernacle at this time.  And the same thing happened when Solomon completed building the Temple (see I Kings 8:10-11). The priests could not enter in, because of the very same thing – God’s “Shekinah Glory” returned to fill the Temple.

Robert Jamieson proposes that Moses’ inability to enter the Tabernacle because of God’s glory having filled it is an indication of man’s incapacity, in his present state, to look upon the unveiled perfections of the Godhead. Yet, because of God’s sacrifice of His Son, we can all do so by faith.

When God moved the cloud, the people made their way forward across the desert and they moved the Tabernacle with them. And this cloud, which looked like a cloud during the day and literally a cloud filled with fire by night, could be seen by all of the children of Israel. Robert Jamieson suggests this was the cloud that had remained for the most part up in summit of the mount where Moses had previously met with God. Now it comes down to dwell among them, the people of Israel.

As Chuck Smith points out, the key thing for us to grasp here is how awesome it must have felt to be aware of God’s very presence at all times. You would go to sleep at night looking at the fire above the Tabernacle and wake up in the morning seeing the heavy cloud.

When the cloud started to move, everything connected with the Tabernacle had to be folded up or packed and carried along the journey until the cloud stopped again. Imagine not knowing when you would set up camp that evening, but you had to wait for God to stop the cloud. When that happened, you’d stop, step up the Tabernacle again, and watch the cloud come land on it.

Smith also takes us back to verse 34 where “the glory of the LORD” filled the Tabernacle. Can you imagine seeing that? Can you imagine just waiting for God to act at that moment? Can you imagine, he asks, “opening our hearts to Him through worship and praise” throughout that experience?

Imagine next Sunday, or whatever your day of corporate worship is, to go to your place of worship and find everyone surrounding the building and not being able to get in because “the glory of the LORD” had filled it. After all, this is the place you and I go to in order to worship God with others. It need not be the only place. But here, many of us temporarily focus on the idea of meeting with God. Wouldn’t it be great to see His glory filling it and to have it captivate our hearts in such a way that we would never be the same again?

David Guzik has us consider another perspective of this passage by pointing to God’s obvious pleasure with the obedience of Israel. This was not so much about God’s authority over them, as it was that they “really did believe Him and love Him”. There is a big and real connection between their obedience and this remarkable display of His glory.

But Guzik is also quick to point out that the Israelites didn’t directly “earn” this display of glory with their obedience, but rather their obedience “welcomed it”.  We don’t earn our rescue, our salvation, or even more of His love. Yet, walking in obedience brings a certain blessing.

Without some aspect of God’s glory being present, the Tabernacle would only be, says Guzik, a fancy tent and the same can be said of our churches or of our homes.

Back in Exodus 29:45, God had made a promise that read as follows, “And I will dwell among the sons of Israel and will be their God.”  And the book of Exodus ends with the fulfillment of that promise. Guzik writes quoting Cole, “YHWH is living among His people: the theology of the presence of God has become the fact of His presence.”

He goes on, “The Book of Exodus ends with great hope and trust in God. Though Israel was in the middle of a desolate desert, had fierce enemies in the Promised Land, and was weak and liable to sin and rebellion, God was with them. This gave them great cause for faith and confidence.

Matthew Henry says just as God created the earth for man and after He completed it, He made man and gave him possession of it, so when the Tabernacle, built for Him, was completed, He came and took possession of it. This was to be His throne where He ruled. This was an indication that “God will dwell with those that prepare Him a habitation. The broken and contrite heart, the clean and holy heart. . .. Where God has a throne and an altar in the soul, there is a living temple.”

And since the cloud was with the Israelites day and night – there was no chance of anyone thinking “Is the Lord among us, or is he not?” He was there. In sight of all. If someone didn’t believe it, well, he or she wouldn’t believe anything.

Henry reminds us of how the bush that God spoke from was not consumed by the fire that was exhibited and seen by Moses, so this cloud which was a fire by night and God’s splendor and glory did not even singe the curtains of the Tabernacle. This structure and its furnishings had been anointed and thus could withstand the terrible majesty of God. So majestic that Moses could not enter the Tabernacle at that time. But what Moses could not do, Jesus Christ did (Hebrews 9:24). In fact, Henry goes on to say,

“Nay, He is Himself the true Tabernacle, filled with the glory of God (John 1:14), even with the divine grace and truth prefigured by this fire and light. In Him, the shechinah [glory] took up its rest forever, for in Him dwells all the fullness of the Godhead bodily. Blessed be God for Jesus Christ!”

Amen and Amen.

It would be great if you would share your thoughts or questions on this blog in the comments section below or on social media.

‘Smart Guys’ Could Well Benefit Too

The Smart Gal’s Guide thru Divorce:

“What Lawyers don’t tell you.”

Author: Sara A., Co-contributor: Sandra D.

Publisher: WestBow Press, Bloomington, IN, 2016

It is no secret that some of my income comes from mediating separation and/or divorce agreements/settlements, or in some cases, where a party refuses to cooperate, to assist the other party in pursuit of a settlement/finalization, even through the legal system, if necessary. It is not an enjoyable job, especially where children are involved. But sometimes the pursuit of separation and/or divorce is the only viable option for the safety and welfare (physical and/or psychological) of one of the parties, let alone the children if there are any. It was for this reason that I agreed to review Sara A’s book.

The Smart Gal’s Guide thru Divorce: “What Lawyers don’t tell you.” was written specifically for women, but ‘smart’ men should read it too. Sara A. is well qualified to provide this level of ‘guidance’ to others. After all, she’s been divorced twice herself.’

The premise of the book is that you can’t do this – go through a divorce – successfully, that is, alone. You need a good lawyer, a divorce coach, an organization that provides solid answers to your questions, and of course, a manual to guide you through the process.

Nowhere does the author or her co-contributor, Sandra D., suggest that you can do this without a lawyer. Lawyers are a ‘must have’ – especially for complex cases and/or where one or both parties can’t be civil in the way they approach discussions and negotiations. But, depending on the jurisdiction the divorce is pursued in, there are alternatives (e.g. mediated settlement; or collaborative family law process; etc.) that the authors don’t spend much time on. The guide uses the legal requirements of the state of Texas as a template, so readers will have to acquire, consider and adjust for their own state or province, as appropriate.

With those two caveats, this ‘guide’ is a great place for anyone hit with the possibility of a divorce to begin their investigation into what the process is all about. Above all, they will learn that they are not alone – myriads have gone through this process before and myriads more will go through it in the future. The guide allows them to get informed, get organized, be prepared, and keep their heads on.

Throughout the pages, there is some solid advice – not to mention some real ‘gems’. Among the latter, there are the chapters on Calendaring; Documenting; Organizing; Empowering; and Forgiving, to name a few. A good portion of the book deals with finding, interviewing, and handling your ‘lawyer’. Also prominent is material dealing with all the associated expenses, other financial matters and how to maximize your dollars’ power.

The authors are part of an organization called “Divorce Buddys” that helps women throughout the process and much of the book is based on their advice. Of interest, are the two main Appendices – “Over 25 Key-Areas of Concern” and “The 30 Most-Costly Mistakes”. Those alone are worth the price of the book.

Recommended for all those that just don’t know where to begin – when they’ve decided that they need to pursue separation or divorce, or when they’ve been served with papers to the same end.

n  Ken B. Godevenos, President, Accord Resolutions Services Inc., Toronto, Ontario, June 13, 2017. www.accordconsulting.com

It would be great if you would share your thoughts or questions on this blog in the comments section below or on social media.