These Authors Know Their Stuff When It Comes To Marriage

Prayer, Marriage, and the Leadership Roles

of the Husband and Wife

Authors: Bishop Ken Giles and Pastor Sheila Giles

Publisher:Self-published, 2016

In many respects this is a book that has a lot of the same advice and guidance that many other books on the topic of Christian marriage have. And yet, it presents that advice from a perspective that nicely surprised (and pleased) an experienced counsellor, marriage mediator, and marriage mentor coach like me.  Let me explain.

The aims of authors Ken and Sheila Giles are two-fold and clear: First, that prayer becomes the highest priority in the lives of those who read it.  Second, that readers understand how the proper working of the husband and wife in their respective leadership roles secures the blessings of God in the marriage, family and broader society.

The book has some zingers in it and one of my favorites is “If more believers prayed about whether or not to get into marriage, there would be far fewer looking to get out of marriage.” Another one is, “Blanket apologies (those lacking in details) often serve the purpose of covering up sin as well.”There’s no pulling the wool over their eyes. 

Marriages, they say, that are conceived in prayer have a greater likelihood of remaining so. Through the many short chapters, the authors explain how the “lack of prayer” impacts a multitude of outcomes.  These include: covering up or hiding sin in the marriage; blame in the marriage; negative actions with negative consequences; listening to the wrong voice; lost peace; and averting blessings and advancing curses.

In part two of their book, Ken and Sheila spell out the God-given roles of a righteous man and righteous woman, and the importance of positioning ourselves well in that role while we exist in a fallen society. They have a very unique way of getting their points across. One example is their contention that the worldly wisdom that “all men are dogs” is false. Why? Because we need to “remember that a male dog needs a female dog to make pups.”

Where we may part company (to a certain extent only) with the authors is their interpretation of I Corinthians 3:13 and the meaning of ‘the fire’ in that verse.  They see the fire that reveals a man’s true work is ‘the woman’.  It’s a fascinating concept and well worth the read. I checked four prominent Bible commentators, and none even came close to agreeing with them. In context, and with some literary license, I can identify to a certain extent with what they are trying to say – clearly figuratively.  You’ll need to read their arguments and find out for yourself. In any case, their conclusions about our separate roles are bang on.

There is an interesting section where they compare the role of a godly woman to the superhero character in the cartoon, “The Incredibles”.

There are numerous spiritual gems throughout the material. Here is a quote from one I really liked: “The man who is not in pursuit of God’s will for his life will perceive, view, and treat the woman of God negatively and devalue her true qualifications. In some cases, her true value will go ignored and uncultivated.”

There’s also a great chapter on what Satan, through society and entertainment, is doing today.  It’s got some incredible statistics in it as well as some actions for believers.

Here is another quote, tying things all together for us: “The man of God must stay in the word of God, stay on his knees and seek God’s guidance and direction at all times. The man of God must love and honor the woman of God, minister to her, care for and nurture her.”

Their closing point in the main part of the book is most refreshing, as they write: “In case you missed the exchange above [on the topic of God’s covenant with Abraham],Abraham’s destiny was tied to Sarah’s destiny [she needed to have the heir through which the blessing would come]. The same is true with every married man who has a God-given vison for his home.”  Women: we (men) need you.

Part three provides the reader with a copy of the 25-question “Christian Marriage and Family Structure Assessment Inventory” complete with the questions, the scoring guide, scoring outcomes and the associated Scripture references for each of the questions. A most helpful resource for singles who want to check their “values” compatibility prior to getting married, for married couples who want to improve their marriages by encouraging dialogue on these issues, and for ministry leaders in the area of marriage counselling and mentoring.

This little book (only 72 pages) is a gem.

n Ken B. Godevenos, President, Accord Resolutions Services Inc., Toronto, Ontario, July 22, 2018, www.accordconsulting.com

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