Moses Links War, Marriage, Love, and Wills -- What We Can Learn From It

[photo from asianage.com]

The Law of Marriage -- Deuteronomy 21:10-17

This passage is rife with lessons if we take the time to glean them from the text.  And they're not all pretty.

Moses is speaking to warriors who have defeated an enemy that God has given into their hands and who have taken the people away as captives. And among those captives, is a beautiful woman that a warrior desires and wants as a wife. (Of course, I won't ask how it is decided which warrior gets what beautiful woman.  I suppose it all evens out as beauty of that sort is truly in the eyes of the beholder.) Apparently this happened often in the days of the Israelites, and with great abuse taking place, so God had to give instructions as to how this was to be done.

Matthew Henry warns us clearly, "This indulgence of men's inordinate desires, in which their hearts walked after their eyes, is by no means agreeable to the law of Christ, which therefore in this respect, among others, far exceeds in glory the law of Moses. The gospel permits not him that has one wife to take another, for from the beginning it was not so."  (So don't get any ideas, guys.)

Anyway, the instructions were to take her home where she will shave her head and clip her nails (vs. 12). This was the actual "humbling" that is referred to later. 

She ditches the clothes she wore when captured (and we assume the warrior or his family will give her new clothes more aligned with the dress of her new culture). This was to indicate a change of 'allegiance' from her family to that of the warrior's. There she is to mourn the loss of her father and mother for a whole month during which the warrior is to leave her alone. Patience is in order.  No sex please. David Guzik gives the reason for this mourning:

"The captive woman had to mourn her past associations. This would be time when she could resolve issues in her heart regarding her family, and when her husband-to-be could live with her a month without intimate relations - so he could see if he really wanted to take this woman as a wife, and to make sure he was not making a decision based only of physical appearance or attractiveness."

It is after that month that the warrior may have sexual intercourse with her and by so doing, becoming her husband and taking her as a wife. How different this is from the 20th and 21st century accounts we hear about with respect to the raping of women belonging to the enemies by our soldiers.  God had no tolerance for that and still does not -- in war or at any other time.

But then what happens if the warrior is not pleased with the woman he has acquired? She's free to leave and go wherever she wants. (Might be a little hard to go back home if you completely razed her own nation to the ground.) But under no circumstances is the warrior to sell her or to mistreat her. And there's a reason for that. He had 'humbled' her by having shaved her head and taken her as a wife by sleeping with her.

The rest of the passage then switches course slightly and covers both the situation where a warrior takes and keeps a woman who was part of a captivity as well as those men who have more than one wife already. The passage talks about the situation where one wife is loved and the other is unloved, and they both bear the man sons. If the first-born belongs to the unloved, the man cannot declare the son of the loved one as a first-born with special rights when it comes to his will and estate upon his death. The real first-born still gets a double portion because he is, the Bible says, the "beginning of his strength".

So, what are the lessons we can take from all this?

For starters, may I suggest that when we're fighting battles for God -- we keep focused on the battle, not the spoils. Having said that I must admit that many a person has fallen in love with someone in the course of carrying out his/her work, including serving in the military, or on the mission field.  I have a nephew who had a stroke and had to go to therapy. Due to his condition he had to be driven there by a special vehicle for months. His assigned driver was a beautiful young woman who later became his wife and together they now have two beautiful children. So, yes it happens.

And when it does, we still have to stop being in a hurry. We have to wait and be patient, allowing an appropriate amount of time to ensure the other individual has time to mourn or to willingly decide that this is what they want too.

Third, I suggest there is good reason why today we do not practice polygamy. But even with monogamy, there  is sometimes a danger that we favor one child over another. We can't do that. And those of us who have more than one child, and love God  and see Him as our 'role model' for parenting, know deep down in our hearts that we can't do that.

Bottom line:

1. Stick to one spouse, it makes everything so much easier.

2. Don't rush to marry someone -- give the other person time to think it over -- for your own sake.

3. Love all your children equally and honor their specific rights.

God and Moses continue to deliver instructions to the children of Israel several thousands years ago which have considerable impact on how we are to live life.

It would be great if you would share your thoughts or questions on this blog in the comments section below or on social media.