The Law of the Rebellious Son -- Deuteronomy 21:18-21
I wasn't ready for this passage. I'm still not sure that I am ready for it now. But it's in the Scriptures and we can't be selective about what we read and what we study. We need to make some sense of it --first for why Moses would relate such instructions to parents thousands of years ago, and second in order to determine if there is anything for us to learn from it.
So let's get to it. Verse 18 talks about a "stubborn and rebellious son". Those labels are further described as a son who does not obey either his father or his mother, one who has been chastised or corrected by them, and one who still continues to "not even listen to them". A few things to note here.
First, while the passage refers to a 'son' I do not know whether the instructions were intended to be the same for a female child. Given the role of females in the family, and the customs of the Israelites, it is possible that Moses had not come across a situation where a daughter of the day would behave in a way that demanded such strong action as described in this passage. When it comes to any application of this passage's lessons for us today, we can safely replace the word 'son' with 'son or daughter'. It seems our modern society has fought so hard for women's rights (and rightly so) that the fairer sex may well have to take the bad along with the good that comes with their more recent (and most necessary) rise in status.
Second, this is no ordinary baby, or toddler, or even a pre-teenager. This is talking about a child that is old enough to make his/her own decisions. This is in essence about a young adult -- one old enough to go into battle, for example.
Third, we note the disobedience referred to here is disobedience to either parent, not just the father. I know of dads who think it's okay to disobey mother (especially if you are a boy), but heaven help you if you disobey your father. That's a bad philosophy to begin with. It does nothing but show the arrogance of the father and the lack of respect for the mother by both child and husband. Families and children are ruined because parents are not united in the discipline of their children.
Fourth, we note that these instructions are intended after the parents have done everything possible to try and correct their child from the behavior that is unwanted and detrimental to their child's own life. These are not instructions for those parents that have no interest in putting any effort into raising their children appropriately.
Finally, in verse 18, we read that the child, after the parents have attempted correction, continues to not pay any attention to them, but rather goes on his/her merry and destructive way.
It's only once all these conditions have been met that verse 19 comes into play. And the first thing we note in that verse is that the action to be taken is taken by 'both' his/her parents. This is not a unilateral decision by one of the parents. Both must be in agreement. That's how parenting God's way works. But this is also to protect the child from a single irrational or furious parent. When it comes to the serious discipling of their children, a mother and father (whether they're married, separated, or divorced) must be united with the decision, unless of course, one of the parents has abdicated their role as a parent and is totally out of the picture.
The Israelite parents together were to present the rebellious child to the elders of the city at the gate of the city (verse 20). (This instruction as to location becomes important as we will see shortly.) And 'together' they were to say to the elders, "This son (child) of ours is stubborn and rebellious, he (she) will not obey us, he (she) is a glutton and a drunkard." My guess here, and this is only my guess, given what comes later in the next verse as to why this must be done, such disobedience and behavior may also have to do with heathen practices that God hates. In any case, it takes a lot for parents to come to that realization, especially after they have spent many a long night desperately doing all they can to help their child leave their errant ways. But at some point, parents in that situation have to face the facts and seek help beyond themselves.
Verse 21 is, at least for me as a father, is one of the most difficult verses in the Bible. The elders of the city were then to take the child turned over by the parents and stone him (her) to death. Wow. How can parents do this? There is no rhyme or reason to it. Unless, unless of course, one really understood why God through Moses would expect this action. And why was that? The text says, ". . . so you shall remove he evil from your midst (and that's why it was to be done by the city gates, or just outside them), and all Israel shall hear of it and fear." There it is. The child was involved in something evil. All Israel, including perhaps the child's younger brothers and sisters, should hear of it and due to fear, would not follow in their evil sibling's footsteps. And as a parent you had to also believe that obeying God in that way, and in the process, preventing others from similar outcomes, was paramount to your own relationship with your God. Only then does this make any sense.
I just thank God that we do not live in the days of the Old Testament. I thank God that such rules do not apply to us in the same way. We don't have to give even our evil children over to the authorities to have them take their lives. Instead, by the teaching of God's own Son, Jesus Christ Who was loved so much by His Father (our parental role model), our job is to love our children and do everything possible to raise them up as men and women who love God and do good.
Still, though, there may be times when we as parents have to take drastic action and do the right thing with respect to our children and the authorities. For example, if we know our child has committed a crime, then it behooves us to cooperate with the authorities investigating the crime. That does not mean we will not do all we can to help our child, but it does mean we are not lie or hide them or stop them in any way from facing the consequences of their crime. The same is true if they have not committed a crime, but we know that they are about to. I'm thinking of those parents that know the anger their children have, and the arms they have stacked in their rooms, or the gangs they belong to, or the terrorist cells they seem to be in contact with. There is no way that any Christian should stay silent in those matters.
Indeed, this is a difficult topic. I've addressed it for myself as honestly as I possibly could. I'd appreciate your thoughts and comments or questions. And also, if you like the way we're studying Scripture, why not subscribe to the right of this post by giving us only your email? You can also check out what we've written on earlier parts of the Bible by checking out the Blog Archive below the Subscribe section. And finally, please share our link with your family and friends.
I've added a link to a great resource here from Focus on the Family. For those who need some advice on how to deal with a rebellious child, this is a great read. Take a look: Dealing with a Rebellious Teen . We borrowed a picture from that article for our blog today.
I'd love to hear from you.
It would be great if you would share your thoughts or questions on this blog in the comments section below or on social media.
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