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Monday, December 30, 2019
These Birds Would Get a Speeding Ticket on City Routes
When It Comes To Medical Research, How Dare You?
Feeling Smarter and Smarter:
Discovering the Inner-Ear Origins and Treatment for
Dyslexia/LD, ADD/ADHD, and Phobias/Anxiety
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Thursday, December 26, 2019
When Defense of One Makes All Suspect
The Defender of the Faith
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Monday, December 16, 2019
Old Testament Laws regarding Carcassses
The Carcasses of the Clean Animals
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Saturday, December 14, 2019
Waiting For God(ot) -- No, I Mean It, It Seems Death is All that is Left
I lost my mother when she was 64. I was 35 at the time. My dad died in his 91st year. I was 59. My wife's father lived to be in his 97th year and died when my wife was 70. And now we sit daily for a long stretch of time -- feeding and making comfortable her mom who is in her 96th year.
She has signed all the required papers. They are not to resuscitate her when the time comes. In the meanwhile she breathes with the help of oxygen. I understand that the amount of oxygen is significant enough that the portable containers can no longer be used. It now comes directly from a much larger machine that is plugged into the wall.
And although this is also possible in the dining room, this resident is no longer able to sit up, let alone stand up. Thus getting her to meals in a wheelchair is not feasible. It's a struggle for two staff people to get her to the washroom or to take care of her in her bed. They are angels.
I don't mind visiting as often as I can. I do it because I love my wife. And I want to be there for her. Fortunately, the home has excellent Wi-Fi and I can get a lot of work done (including writing this blog) when I'm here.
Today is not a particularly good day. My mother-in-law does not want to eat a lot. She is hardly talking. She can barely keep her eyes open. This is no way to live. She wonders how long she has been like this and how much longer this condition will continue. We're not sure if she is hoping to get better or if she is ready to die. The verdict on that changes regularly.
For all of us, it's like waiting for Godot. You may have studied the famous but absurd play by Samuel Beckett performed first in 1953. Godot never comes for the two main characters.
But get rid of "ot" and change it to waiting for God -- and that's exactly what we have here. We tell Grandma that it's up to God now as to how long this state will continue. We are doing nothing to cut it short and there is nothing we can do to prolong it in accordance wth her wishes.
But the wait is important. Not so much for her, but more for us. Death has a way of strengthening the living.
When a parent lives into his or her late nineties, their caregiver children often range into their seventies. The toll of daily visits, feeding and just sitting next to their loved day after day (especially if due to location one child is more likely to bear the majority of the burden) often with little or no response, or signs of real life, can be taxing. Yet, children do it because of the relationship and the bond (regardless of quality) that has been established over seven decades or more.
Somehow God gives them the strength to daily set aside their own responsibilities and make that visit. It's a duty they take on even though they have no idea of how long it will need to last. The staff at the long-term care facility my wife's mother is in told me this week that in 2019 they had to say goodbye to two 108 year olds. And then of course what happens when the caregiver themselves starts to have her or his own health issues? Just imagine a parent living to 108 and the caregiver being 85.
Maybe our forefathers knew something when they all lived together in villages, taking care of their aged at home and sharing the responsibilities. Or did they?
So we wait for Godot. We wait for our loved one to die. There are no other options -- recovery has succumbed to age. If a setback occurs, any medicine or treatment can only prolong life for a day, a week, month, maybe even a year. But what does that life look like and who wants it? Does the elderly person themselves want it? Does one dare to ask him or her?
I asked my mother-in-law today, "Did you sleep well last night?" Her barely audible reply was, "That's all I do." She's right. I added, "Then you've mastered that. Maybe you can teach some of us how to do it." She smiled.
As we each take turns visiting and sitting quietly in the room, we cannot but think of our own future, our own old age, even our own last days. Will we have mastered sleep, waiting for Godot, waiting for death? I pray my personal experience will be characterized by a sense of wonderment because I will be waiting for God, not Beckett's Godot. And Love will have once again conquered all, even death.
-- Ken B. Godevenos writing from Toronto.
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Saturday, December 07, 2019
How Assistant, Siri, Alexa, and Cortana Could Contribute to Society
My daughter and her husband went out to a dinner the other night and brought home a gift from the host -- a Google Home system. (Nice friends if you can find them.) We already had an earlier, less sophisticated model (a Google Nest Mini, now in my grandson's room) and others in the family (not in our house) have Alexa. Of course, all of us already have Siri on our phones.
teach us courtesy, so at least we'll be polite in prison.
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Thursday, December 05, 2019
Disagreeing Without Hard Feelings (& the 5 Levels of Friendship)
The other day I attended a monthly meeting of a group -- the nature of the group does not matter at this point. During the break, a "casual friend" of mine started telling me, much to his satisfaction, about a recent trip he took and how 9 out of 10 people he met could not stand a particular leader. I indicated that I would have been the 10th. When I explained why, he started challenging me and I countered with some direct but strong rebuttal for which he had nothing to say. I told him I was sick and tired of how so many people like he and I in so many other respects, could dislike someone so much without any valid and contextual reason. Again he had no answer and I slid away to others in the group.
Before the break was over, he called me over and said, "Hey Ken, no hard feelings, right? We're still friends, right?" To which I replied, "No, no hard feelings." As I was heading home that evening I wondered to myself, "Is that really the case?" Is it possible for such an interaction and such strong, yet divergent feelings, to be verbalized, and acknowledged in such a way where there would be "no hard feelings" and that next time we met, it would be as if this interaction never happened?
As I started to write [which for me is great therapy for a) expressing one's frustration while at the same time b) developing one's position on a matter], it hit me that much depended on the level of friendship that two people had. That led me to an article by Jermaine Tucker. You can read it here. There you will find the Friendship Pyramind (see picture above) that he developed based on some of the ideas adapted from Waiting and Dating by Dr. Myles Munroe.
The Friendship Pyramid lists 5 levels of Friendship:
5. Strangers (at the bottom and thus containing the most people)
4. Acquaintances
3. Casual Friends
2. Close Friends
1. Intimate Friends (at the top and thus containing a more limited number of people)
The Pyramid also suggests what characterizes each of the levels. We would all do well to think about these and perhaps take the trouble to both list people we know by category and then consider whether or not there are sufficient individuals in each category.
Personally, I think there should be a 6th category between Close Friends and Casual Friends -- maybe called Good Friends. But for our purposes let's stick wth the five Tucker has provided. Take the time to look at the characteristics of each category before proceeding to read the rest of this article.
So, what can we say about the likelihood of "no hard feelings, we're still friends, right?" when what happened to me happens in conjunction with someone in any of the five levels of friendship? Here's my take. You are free to disagree -- no hard feelings.
With Strangers: The first thing we need to address here is whether our 'contacts' on our various social media (for the most part) are simply 'strangers' for all intents and purposes, or are they 'acquaintances'? I'll go with the fact that the "majority" of our contacts are really strangers. Based on that, the answer here is simple -- it is what it is. I have found that depending on the issue, such 'strangers' will either block you or ignore you going forward. On the odd occasion, someone may slowly return to a humane reaction to your posts if you continue to be fair and honest, not attack them personally, and comment positively on their posts where it is merited. Otherwise, it is their choice (or yours) and it really doesn't matter, does it?
With Acquaintances: I consider acquaintances to be those that I run into in the course of carrying out my work or my life. They happen to be where I am. Or I have to deal with them in order to accomplish what I need to do (buy groceries, clothes, do my banking, get my vacuum repaired, etc.). Sadly, or maybe providentially, we don't often get to the point of having a "difference of opinions" on anything controversial. Especially in the West, we stick to the weather and our local sport team when seeking a small-talk subject. Moving towards more meaningful topics like politics or religion takes a lot of careful posturing and the ability to read any clues as to a particular view that may emanate from an acquaintance. Even then, proceed with caution. But let's say a difference does come up -- can you both get over it? I think the answer is "yes" -- after all, in most cases, you need their expertise and they need your business. At best, you'll both know enough not to broach the topic in the future. At worse, you will find another provider of what you need, and he/she will find another customer.
With Casual Friends: Casual friends are those that you meet up with regularly because you both choose to attend events or activities that are of interest to both of you. Club meetings or church services are two good examples. Or perhaps you both get invited to the same parties. And if you are like me, this is where the agitation of an interaction like the one I mentioned above starts to kick in and the occurrence requires more thought and discussion afterwards, perhaps with close or intimate friends (the next two levels of friendship). And this is where you really have a meaningful choice to either let it get to you or to let it go -- because either a) you value the activity you both participate in more than winning this argument with this person or b) the person has some other qualities, and it is not worth you convincing them to change their opinions. The relationship can be saved. Hopefully, he or she would do the same. If not, the next time you meet, may be more awkward and a further, perhaps more consequential decision, will need to be made.
With Close Friends: These are the individuals that are supposed to have the same values, ideals, and worldview as you do. Your interests and life goals match and you're working together in one way or another to achieve the common goal(s) you both thought you had. Close friends are supposed to be connected in mind and spirit, if not also, body. First, we recognize that we have very few individuals at this level of friendship. Clearly many of our family members may well be in that category. People in our inner circle or church small groups may be there too. Long-time friends may be in this group. Business partners may be there. So when there is a disagreement in our values, ideals, or worldview, we first need to ask ourselves "Is this really a difference at that level, or is our disagreement w.r.t. methodology?" If the former, it may be time to either rethink the "closeness" of the relationship, or to decide that the relationship is so important, that the difference in values does not matter. One example that comes to mind is having an adult child that is totally at different ends of the political spectrum than you are. And yet when it comes to family matters, work, and life in general, you and he/she have a very close relationship that won't be thrown away because of your differences. Again the choice is yours but the stakes are much higher.
With Intimate Friends: First, I must admit, somewhat to my chagrin, that I only really have one individual in that category. You guessed it -- my spouse. We (well her more than I) are committed to developing each other's characters. We are committed to mutual honesty. After decades of living together the only thing we really disagree on is how we verbalize our disappointments. I wear my feelings on 'her' sleeves. She considers such 'wearing' as being critical, especially when it comes to my feelings about our children and grandchildren. And I admit, she is usually right, always helping me to look on the bright side of things, pointing out how blessed we are. All that to say that the kind of disagreement I experienced with my casual friend would not likely occur between my wife and me. But it appears that many couples are indeed giving up their relationships these days because of political and religious reasons, among many others. Still, I've seen some, who really love each other, some younger than I am, learn to accept each other's political and religious views where they differ strongly with their own. And that's the way it should be. No hard feelings.
So, where are we? What can we learn from looking at disagreements in the light of who exactly the disagreement is with?
For starters, think about what category of "friendship" the person disagreeing with you is in. Secondly, weigh the disagreement against the value of the "friendship" or involvement you have with that person. Third, when in doubt, let it go. Life is too short.
But most importantly, especially if you are a person of faith, consider whether your reaction will make you a better follower of your faith, or take you in the opposite direction.
I want to hear from you with your thoughts.
-- Ken Godevenos, writing from Toronto.
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Sunday, December 01, 2019
Black Friday Came and Went, but Global Warming Syndrome Will Hang Around.
A new survey reported on by WND on November 28, 2019 indicates that about six in 10 Americans say they are at least "somewhat worried" about global warming and 23 percent say they are "very worried." Meanwhile, Washington-based psychiatrist Lise Van Susteren who has studied the mental health impacts of climate change for a decade and a half, says it is affecting us all.
And what kind of impact may that be? She lists ""conflict avoidance, fatalism, fear, helplessness and resignation." The latest survey was conducted by a joint venture of Yale and George Mason universities. It found it is not just "only upper-middle-class, white, well-educated, latte-sipping liberals" that care about climate change. Meanwhile the "dismissives" are mostly "well-educated conservative white men." (I guess the researcher had people like me in mind when reporting that finding.)
What does this generic "climate change anxiety" look like for some? Here are two examples reported by WND:
Kate Schapira, a senior lecturer at Brown University, operates a "climate anxiety" booth, just like Lucy's counselling booth in "Peanuts." She's so concerned that she and her husband are not having children. She wants her "sense of responsibility to the world to shrink down to the size of one person." And she's not flying again.
So, why all this anxiety? One lobbyist (Alicia Cannon) says it has to do with the fact that climate change is such a "large-scale issue and it's overwhelming and you feel that it's overwhelming because of helplessness."
Okay, here are my thoughts. Don't ever say I'm not sharing.
First, climate-change is not a large-scale issue for many millions of people. In fact, millions around the world just worry about making it through the day, let alone worry about what may happen a decade from now.
Second, it's not over-whelming unless we want it to be. We are not breathing less because of climate change. No one or nothing is choking us. Why then, on a practical level, are we so much more anxious now?
Third, if you have a feeling of helplessness, it is because you have bought into the lie that the world will end soon. People have been proposing this event at least for the last 2,000 years (that's 200 times longer than the current prediction says we have left). Check out the details here. You don't need to feel helpless on this account any more than you do believing that Santa Claus is real and you've been naughty all year. [I don't venture to guess the correlation between being a climate change fearer and believing in Santa Claus.]
Fourth, isn't it amazing that an increase in climate change anxiety or syndrome goes hand in hand with an increase in Trump Derangement Syndrome victims. I am convinced that if ever the Democrats are in power again, you will notice the climate change anxiety symptoms will die down a lot if not totally disappear. There will always be a few carriers of it around that have suffered beyond repair. But the point is that this is a political "anti-Trump" epedimic like so many other things these days. Things like violence on airlines and restaurants and elsewhere because people happen to be wearing red hats with a certain four capital letters on them.
So, where do I stand on the issue of climate change?
I believe God created this earth in such a way that He could say, "it is good." I believe we have not taken care of it as well as we should have. I believe God is perfectly aware of the state of His creation and He cares much more for it than all the tree huggers in the world combined.
I believe I have a responsibility to do my part in keeping 'me' from harming the earth. But I also believe that God cares as much if not more about our lack of humaneness that we have shown towards our fellow men (as we kill them, get them addicted, sexually abuse them, torture them, hate them, even cheat them or take advantage of them) and to babies in their mothers' wombs (as we abort them). And probably a lot more things that we have a direct "up or down" impact on.
Let's start working on these things and let Him worry more about the the weather -- after-all, that's His Natural realm. Our purpose is to love all life -- especially where our actual actions would otherwise eliminate it outright. Now get out there and take a deep breath.
-- Ken Godevenos, writing to do form Toronto, Ontario.
p.s. I would like to have your view on this. Share a comment on the blog. Please sign up to receive my next blog. Just fill out the "subscribe by email" section on the right. And feel free to share this blog with others.
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