Some Decisions Are Not Easily Reversible; Some Not At All -- Deuteronomy 24:1-5
In the first five verses of chapter 24 of Deuteronomy we are presented with an Old Testament solution to the very same marital issues that arise all too often today in the 21st century.
Here to begin with are commands and rules to follow when someone gets married and then finds his wife (in this case it is a wife, but I am sure we can switch the gender if we tried hard enough to get the principle the text is driving at), no longer desirous. We do need to be careful to notice that the so-called loss of favor isn't based on a pure whim or mood -- it requires that the man find "some indecency in her". Could this be adultery? Perhaps. Could it be that she was not a virgin when he married hers? Likely not as this was dealt with earlier in Deuteronomy 22, verses 13 and following. Could it be any other 'indecency'? Perhaps. I believe as a minimum, it would have to be something that the elders of the city would agree was indeed eligible for the action that was required.
In such cases, the husband was to write her a certificate of divorce, actually put it in her hands, and send her out of his house. Things were so much easier back then. Today, with all the rights afforded to married people, it is often hard to get people to leave the matrimonial home and a divorce document often requires many legalities and much time. Often lawyers are required along with thousands of dollars being spent to determine who gets what upon the separation. What David Guzik reminds us of is that if there is to be a divorce, it must be a legal matter with a certificate of divorce. It is not something done lightly or easily, and it is permanent as we see below. Of course, for those living together and not married, physical separation is easier today, but still there are many legal considerations as to rights.
Now verse 2 is interesting because it continues, "and she leaves his house and goes and becomes another man's wife". The question arises in my mind, what happens if she doesn't leave? Well, again, I would imagine that the elders would get involved. They would determine the legitimacy of the so-called indecency, and declare a verdict and the action to be taken. This may or may not involve the two sets of parents, and/or some force to remove her. It may have also involved a financial settlement, as is often the case today.
Jesus, many years later, was challenged on this very law when he was asked what is a valid reason for divorce. He was really being asked, "what constitutes marital uncleanliness". He replied, "If a man puts away his wife and marries another except it be for fornication, he causes her to commit adultery and whoso marries her commits adultery." (Matthew 5:32) And Jesus recognized that He was going against what Moses had taught in Deuteronomy, when He goes on to say in Matthew 19:8, "in the beginning it was not so". That is to say, from Adam and Eve's time there was to be no divorce, but God allowed Moses to change that, "because of your hardness of heart" (Matthew 19:8). That settles that for me when it comes to what God 'approves' with respect to divorce. At the same time, it is possible, that because of our current (even worse) hardness of hearts, He 'tolerates' it when we divorce for other reasons. Please note there is a big difference between what God approves and what God tolerates because He loves us, but do not for one moment think that the latter does not make Him very sad.
We can't discuss this topic of divorce without asking ourselves the question, "can a divorced woman (or man) re-marry under either the O.T. or N.T. views of marriage and divorce? Matthew Henry is very direct on this when he writes: "That being divorced it was lawful for her to marry another husband, v. 2. The divorce had dissolved the bond of marriage as effectually as death could dissolve it; so that she was as free to marry again as if her first husband had been naturally dead." You can agree or disagree, but I would ask you to consider if what Henry is suggesting was not the case, why would Moses and several passages in the N.T. even talk about remarriage? I personally believe that if a person is divorced, especially for reasons of adultery by the other party, they are free to remarry.
In any event, the woman remarries and in verse 3, one of two things happen: either the same thing happens with the second husband (this was some indecent woman a.k.a. a repeat offender) or the second husband dies. If either of those things happen, the first husband is not allowed to take her back as a wife. We may well propose that if a couple divorce, and neither of them marry, and they later come to their senses and believe they made an error (careful on that one), they are still free to remarry again.
I like what Guzik says about all this: "It seems that it might be a good thing for the first husband and wife to get back together. But this command is made because God wanted both marriage and divorce to be seen as serious, permanent things. One couldn't be married or divorced casually; it had to be carefully thought out because it was permanent. This law would also strengthen the second marriage; it would discourage a spouse from thinking they might as well just leave their second marriage and go back to their first partner." Good thought.
Chuck Smith is the first to admit (and Chuck Swindoll today joins him) along with others, that this does not mean God intends a person to stay in a marriage that was wrong from the beginning and is abusive. Smith writes, "I don't believe that God ever intended that marriage be a terrorized paranoia where you live in constant terror. I don't think that was God's intention for marriage, ever." One marriage for life is God's best for us. But when we screw that up and end up in an abusive relationship, God has agreed to a divorce under certain difficult circumstances.
What is interesting here is the reason as to why the first husband could not take the woman in these verses back as wife again. Simply because or "since she has been defiled". What is not clear is whether the defilement was due to the first husband, or in the case of the second divorce the second husband, or simply her own sin. The point being that any such defilement is an abomination to the Lord and there was to be no bringing of such sin into the land which God had given the Israelites as an inheritance (vs. 4).
The last verse in our passage, verse 5, takes us down another route, but albeit a more positive one. There is some good news. Take a wife, good man, and get a year off from having to serve in the army. Also no one can expect anything of you -- not your father, not your father-in-law, not your employer, not the state. You are to spend the whole year giving "happiness" to the wife you have taken. Wow. Today, few people I know get that privilege. Some don't even get a one-week honeymoon. Sometimes people get married one day and are deployed for military service the next day. Things have certainly changed.
Guzik again: "This was God's way of honoring and blessing the marriage covenant. He allowed men who were newly married to be exempt from military or other state service for one year. Bring happiness to his wife: This is an important job for every husband. Even as before the LORD, we find our lives by losing them (Matthew 10:39), so a husband will find the most happiness if he will bring happiness to his wife. As the role of the husband in Ephesians 5 is described, we see that God emphasizes the essential oneness between husband and wife. The husband cannot make his wife happy without also bringing happiness into his own life. Conversely, he cannot bring misery into the life of his spouse without also bringing misery into his own life. A happy wife is the foundation for a happy home; a bitter or contentious wife makes for a miserable home. A continual dripping on a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike (Proverbs 27:15). Better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, than in a house shared with a contentious woman. (Proverbs 21:9). Better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and angry woman (Proverbs 21:19)." So many have experienced the negative side of that; blessed are they that have experienced and are experiencing the positive side. But husbands if you're not, don't blame your wives. Reread Guzik's thoughts again and again; practice them until you get it right.
So what are these verses saying to us in this current decade? Here are some thoughts:
1. Don't rush to get married.
2. Know the person you are marrying as well as possible before you marry them. (No, that does not mean sleeping with them.)
3. Ask God if your plans of marriage are His plans for your life.
4. Ask your real friends about the person you are thinking of marrying and listen to them if their reasons are valid.
5. Divorce is a last resort but don't allow yourself to be abused, especially physically, but also emotionally.
You can't believe how many times I have heard people in terrible marriages say to me "I rushed; I hardly knew them; I never consulted God; I should have listened to my friends and loved ones who warned me; and finally, I'm still being abused."
This passage in the O.T. that ties in very nicely with what Jesus and the apostle Paul said in the New Testament is here for a purpose. I encourage you, if you're not married, to think sincerely about your future marriage. If you are married and you are the abuser, change. If you are married and being abused by someone who is not actively and evidently changing, consider some tough love which may even include a time of separation or divorce. But whatever you do, don't do it without God.
Note to reader: If you like the way we are studying scripture, why not subscribe to our posts by providing us just with your email? You can do that to the right of this column in the "Subscribe to" section. You can also search our earlier studies in the "Blog Archive" section below that. Finally, please encourage others to study along with us by sharing this link with your family and friends. Thank you and God bless. Ken G.
It would be great if you would share your thoughts or questions on this blog in the comments section below or on social media.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Thanks for your comment.