Why “I Promise To Do Better” Doesn’t Work

Choosing To Cheat: Who Wins when Family and Work Collide

Andy Stanley, Multnomah Publishers, Inc., Sisters, Oregon, USA, 2003

Why “I Promise To Do Better” Doesn’t Work

I honestly can’t remember why I ordered this book. I am sure someone recommended it to me, given the fact that not only have I been an accomplished cheater, but my wife and I are heavily involved in our church’s “marriage mentoring” ministry.

I read it in two days. Andy Stanley is an accomplished writer and I have a feeling it comes naturally. I am not suggesting he does not put a lot of work into his writing, but only that he may not have spent hours studying and taking courses on how to be a top-notch writer. I’m sure that’s something I’ll ask him if we ever meet.

Choosing To Cheat surprises its readers in two ways.  First, sorry to disappoint you – it’s really not about having a romantic affair, not directly anyway.  Secondly, Stanley comes out and tells you early in the process (and keep in mind he’s a Christian pastor) that it’s okay to cheat and you even have to. Wow. Now you’re ready to ready the book.

The author tells you about the most important and most complex cheating situation one can have in life – that between ones loved ones (think spouse, children) and ones work. And unless you’ve figured out how to make that situation a perfect win-win one, Stanley tells you, you’re cheating one of them and the bets are on that it’s your family. But it gets worse. If you’re cheating here, the author says you are on a collision course if you haven’t had a crash already. He has a perfect “holding the rock” analogy he shares. And the bottom line is “picking up a rock that shattered into fragments after it got dropped and trying to put together again is next to impossible”.

Stanley is careful not to make assumptions about your own specific situation, but neither does he let you off the hook. Your excuses just won’t fly. Especially when he gives you a step-by-step guide to making a commitment and following through with your employer.

Choosing To Cheat is the kind of book you want to give your workaholic spouse, your married children, your adult grandchildren and your friends. I thought of providing a copy to every couple we mentored. But we’d all be making a big mistake, if we first didn’t take this author’s wise advice and apply it to our own “cheating”.  Highly recommended.

--  Ken B. Godevenos, Accord Resolution Services Inc., Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. 15/11/27  (you can buy the book right here:

Choosing to Cheat: Who Wins When Family and Work Collide?

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