12 Tips To Prevent Parents From Going Crazy

“Back To The Family” – 12 Tough “Common Sense” Wisdoms for Parents

from Dr. Ray Guarendi, Practicing Clinical Psychologist & Parenting Expert

1.     Some parents today say, “My Johnny is not doing drugs; and hasn’t shot anyone.  He’s a good kid.”  Dr. G. says, “Virtue is not the absence of pathology; it is the presence of morals, character, and the seeking of God.”

2.     Some parents ask, “At what age should Suzie be allowed to . . .?”  Dr. G. says, “Moral trustworthiness is a better gauge than age.”

3.     Parents: “Do you have any research statistics relating age of first date to chance of promiscuity later on?”  Dr. G. says, “Yes, here they are . . .”
First Date: 13 or younger, 90% chance of promiscuity.
First Date: 14 to 15, 60% chance of promiscuity.
First Date: 16 or older, 20% chance of promiscuity.

4.     Dr. G: “Culture is in deep trouble when psychological correctness (is it normal?) trumps moral correctness (is it right?).”

5.     Dr. G. says, “I can give you lots of ideas as to how to regain and maintain respect and authority with your children, but I can’t give you the will power to do it!”

6.     Dr. G. says, “The change we seek in our children, has to com from a change  in their parents when it comes to respect, love, authority, and more.”

7.     Dr. G. says, “Authority is a good word.  It is not ‘volume’.  It’s ‘follow-through the very first time!”

8.     Dr. G. says parents today give too many privileges, freedoms, technological gadgets, etc., just because kids reach a certain age and there’s peer pressure to do so (both from other parents and other kids).  That’s not the problem.  The problem is they do it without a reciprocal level of responsibility.

9.     Dr. G. says, “Don’t tell me your child is a challenge because he is ‘strong-willed’.  If his teachers aren’t seeing the strong-will in him, you don’t have a strong-will child, except when he deals with you.”

10.  Parents think being strict is being mean today.  Dr. Ray says, “Strict is not mean.  It’s not nasty. It’s been consistent and conservative in the context of love.”

11.  Dr. Ray on spanking: “No research whatsoever that indicates spanking in a loving home under control leads to what they throw at it.  They have ‘bias’ surveys but not research.”

12.  On timing, Dr. Ray says, “It’s never too late to change your style of parenting, but the longer you wait, the harder it gets.”

My wife and I thoroughly enjoyed him and would strongly recommend that you try to catch him if you get a chance or consider some of his material.  Check him out at: http://drray.com/ .

Reported by Ken B. Godevenos, Accord Resolution Services Inc., Toronto, Ontario. 15/09/04

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