The Painting and the Piano: An Improbable Story of Survival and Love
Authors: John Lipscomb and Adrienne Lugo
Publisher:Health Communications Inc., Deerfield Beach, FL., 2017
I’m writing this review on Father’s Day weekend. I suppose that is having an impact on my thoughts. With many wonderful memories of this special day with my own father and now with my children, I can’t help but think that this is not the way so many think of their father, or their mother for that matter. I can’t help but be amazed at just how dysfunctional many families are today. This is a real story of just two of them. My guess, based on what I read these days, is that there are millions more out there just like them.
This book is gut-wrenching from start to finish. But it opens your eyes wide.
The two authors alternate writing chapters – each telling their own story until the very end, when they’ve joined forces in more ways than one.
First, we meet Adrienne, a happy young lady living with her very loving foster parents. She couldn’t be happier. Then we meet John growing up in an upper-class home with all its benefits. But it isn’t long before we discover a major problem in each.
In Adrienne’s case, disaster strikes when her birth-parents decide it’s time to reconnect with their daughter. In John’s case, we find out his otherwise beautiful mother has a deep blotch hidden behind her façade – she’s a hopeless alcoholic.
The rest of the story you’ll need to read for yourself, but I assure you that you will not be disappointed. In fact, you may very well be shocked. But let me share with you some of my observations.
Both Lipscomb and Lugo write very well. So much so, that reading this book on a flight home from Boston, I was pleased to have my flight delayed because it gave me time to let me finish it.
The book includes some wonderful quotes and truths. One of my favorites was from a psychiatrist, “If I know the relationship a child has with his or her mother, then I can help that person.” Relationships with our mothers, and fathers, matter. I’ve also confirmed from the book that it’s the parents that usually (but not always) screw up such relationships, partly because they were screwed up by their parents in their own relationships.
In John’s case, we learn that when a mother is not capable or willing to fill the role she should be filling, that role is often filled by some other, much more loving individual. And thank God for that.
In this book, we observe at close hand, both the failures of our child protection agencies and their limited powers to do what is right. We also watch a lame family court judicial system follow the letter of the law when by doing so, they condemn innocent children to a life of misery.
We see the effects that both alcohol and drug abuse can have on children’s lives – even from within the womb. We learn that what these children deal with constantly in their mind’s images, as a result of their parents’ conditions, is something they seldom wish to talk about even when the events are from decades past. We understand why it is that our children’s friends often wish to spend as much time at our place, avoiding theirs like a plague. The value of wise and loving parents of one’s friends to make a positive impact on a life is brought to the forefront in this book. I know that from personal experience and I also know it from the wonderful kids that were at our house so often after school spending time with my children and my wife – some of which we are still in contact with.
This is also a book of hope for those that have fallen into the vicious cycle of abuse, now risking the chance of being the abusers themselves. But make no mistake about it, getting off the cycle requires hard work and extreme pain. Another great quote from the book is – “I got the monkey off my back, but the circus is still in town.” (There is some disagreement as to who originated that idea.) Nevertheless, it fits well with the long process of being “clean” (either from alcohol or from drugs), only to have to find yourself in a place full of drinkers or users.
Adrienne and John both end up where their dysfunctional parents were – but with one difference. They both wanted to stop the spinning cycle and get off. Adrienne committed herself to doing so because of the love she had for her children. John because of the respect he had for people outside his family that really loved him.
Finally, and perhaps a little tongue in cheek – it’s worth buying the book just to find out what the title is all about.
I strongly recommend the book for any parent, any abuser, anyone being abused, any counsellor, pastor, or just anyone who has no idea whatsoever is going at their neighbor’s place.
It would be great if you would share your thoughts or questions on this blog in the comments section below or on social media.
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