It’s All About Love: Confessions of a Caregiver
Author: John Murray
Publisher: Self-published, White Rock, BC, 2021
A Very Strong
Possibility Not To Be Ignored
With the exception of some very brief exposures to the life of a pseudo caregiver – helping my father fight his cancer and dying in his 91st year but still very capable of taking care of himself, and then helping my wife deal with her mother prior to her death at age 95 while she lived in a nursing home – I have not thought much about the life of a caregiver. Furthermore, I realize now that when one is actually acting in that role, in any capacity, one has no time to really think about the role.
As I started my review of John Murray’s It’s All About Love: Confessions of a Caregiver (self-published, 2021), I realized that the most thinking I’ve done about caregivers involves two thoughts – first, what kind of a caregiver would my wife be for me should I need one before her; and second, what kind of a caregiver would I be should she need one. Neither of those questions could be fully answered in my mind due to the lack of real knowledge about the whole thing. I no longer have that excuse.
John Murray’s book is a must read for anyone who is a caregiver, knows a caregiver, or loves a caregiver. Murray writes from his personal experience of over thirteen years of being one for his beloved wife, Rita. He writes as a trainee in a never-ending apprenticeship program. He studies hard and he shares his findings and his feelings. And we benefit.
It is estimated there are over 40 million caregivers in North America and the number is growing. Sixty percent of them care for their spouses. I was shocked to hear about 7 out of 10 men abandon their wives when the chips are down.
Through his writing, Murray teaches us, as a bonus, a lot about Parkinson’s, the disease his wife is afflicted with. From both the caregiving and the Parkinson’s perspective, he provides us with lots of pitfalls to avoid and tells us why.
As I read the book, I thought that couples that are nowhere ready for one of the two to be a caregiver at this time, should read this book together and commit themselves to be there for the other when the time and need arises.
Part-way through the book, the author provides us with a typical routine day of his taking care of Rita. Just reading the list exhausted me – mentally. But that’s what it takes. Elsewhere he discusses what has to be given up – together as a couple, and also individually as a caregiver. This is not an assignment for those who love to have a good time. But it is an assignment which is deeply steeped in love and affection.
Finally, John shares with us the important impact of both his and Rita’s faith in God, the support of their family, friends and their local church. We are allowed to share his internal battles won each time by remembering that Rita is not a patient with an illness, but his beloved wife. And by remembering that he is not just a caregiver, but her loving husband.
Near the end of the book, John invites you to ponder “your story” – because each of our caregiving stories will be different – each caregiver, each recipient of our care, and each illness is different as are the other variables – the help from family, the financial situation, the available facilities where you live. But still there are incredible “tips” that John gives us that we can all benefit from.
I strongly recommend the book – you need one in your house for when the time comes; you need copies for your close relatives; and some for those that are caregivers now and haven’t had time to think about what they’re going through. John’s book will provide each reader with a realistic but positive view of what it means to love through the sharing of this most challenging act of service.
The book (paperback and e-book) is available through Amazon.ca (at: It's all about LOVE on Amazon) and other book retailers but can also be purchased at a lower price from www.jmurray.ca (paperback only).
n Ken B. Godevenos, is the retired President, Accord Resolutions Services Inc., Toronto, Ontario, January 23, 2022. You can go “Digging For Scriptural Gems” with him at https://www.youtube.com/user/accordconsulting/videos.
#56 -- I Samue
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